Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Marpenoth 13
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
How does being trapped for millennia feel? As I ponder the length of time that Mira went through it staggers my imagination. I can understand complex magical equations and I can cast almost any spell I come across. Though when I try to ponder how being trapped for several thousand years would be like I cannot comprehend it. I keep seeing though in my head those spiders eating magical items. I can see her as a giant version of those spiders and the glow off of Dirk’s sword. I know she is evil and I am trying to show her as much kindness as I can. I try to give freely, as the best weapon against such suffering is kindness and friendship. I hope that she does not take out her years of anger against innocents. The possibility of her being a good person and helping fight against others that would seek to torment or imprison others I would like to think is great. Then there is the matter of her spellcasting. How much the weave has changed since she was transformed? What dangers will arise from her using the old methods and old spells? Should I worry that even the simplest of spells that she casts may cause permanent damage? The land is riddled with holes in the weave. Areas of dead magic ranging from a wagon sized area to others that could cover an entire city. One of the first things I should have done was contact someone in my order and asked him or her but I do not wish to bring attention to Mira. I think I will just have to keep in touch with her and find out if she feels anything different about the weave. What happens if she start using the more complex spells frequently. The Wish spell itself takes a great toll on the caster when it is used. The amount of energy it takes to force reality to change to your desires is a lot. She was able to do it with ease but how much strain does it place on the Weave when she does it? Though like a finely sewn rub the Weave can handle a lot but if you cut enough threads even the greatest seamstress could not keep the rug from unraveling. Yet again I made a rash decision and am now thinking about it more in depth. Though as strong as my thirst for more knowledge is my caution keeps it held in check this time. What great things could I learn and what great spells could I cast if I sat and just studied with her? Things that were great obstacles would become little bumps under my feet. I wonder if Karsis thought the same before he cast his spell and became a God?
I thought during breakfast to perhaps contact Lia and meet with her privately. Someplace far away with an anti scrying spell up to prevent anyone watching. I even went so far as to think up a place for the visit so that I could speak with her and discuss the accusations. Though I know the group would view it as a betrayal I feel I should give her a chance to say her side of it. Sadly though I worry that she is everything they say and if I did do such a thing I would end up dying or getting trapped in a gem. I could not think of a way to guarantee both my safety and her’s. The last thing I wish to do is bring her to a place where the group could catch her off guard. I did also realize that I do not like being anyone’s pawn. Not the city of Waterdeep nor one for the group. I hope the group will understand that. I follow them not because it is profitable. Nor does the fame that comes with it drive me. I follow because of the comradeship and because we do truly try to do good. Lets hope it continues for the sake of all those who have been wronged by the orb and those seeking to use its power for personal gain.
So dear brother I hope you are faring better than I in your travels.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
How does being trapped for millennia feel? As I ponder the length of time that Mira went through it staggers my imagination. I can understand complex magical equations and I can cast almost any spell I come across. Though when I try to ponder how being trapped for several thousand years would be like I cannot comprehend it. I keep seeing though in my head those spiders eating magical items. I can see her as a giant version of those spiders and the glow off of Dirk’s sword. I know she is evil and I am trying to show her as much kindness as I can. I try to give freely, as the best weapon against such suffering is kindness and friendship. I hope that she does not take out her years of anger against innocents. The possibility of her being a good person and helping fight against others that would seek to torment or imprison others I would like to think is great. Then there is the matter of her spellcasting. How much the weave has changed since she was transformed? What dangers will arise from her using the old methods and old spells? Should I worry that even the simplest of spells that she casts may cause permanent damage? The land is riddled with holes in the weave. Areas of dead magic ranging from a wagon sized area to others that could cover an entire city. One of the first things I should have done was contact someone in my order and asked him or her but I do not wish to bring attention to Mira. I think I will just have to keep in touch with her and find out if she feels anything different about the weave. What happens if she start using the more complex spells frequently. The Wish spell itself takes a great toll on the caster when it is used. The amount of energy it takes to force reality to change to your desires is a lot. She was able to do it with ease but how much strain does it place on the Weave when she does it? Though like a finely sewn rub the Weave can handle a lot but if you cut enough threads even the greatest seamstress could not keep the rug from unraveling. Yet again I made a rash decision and am now thinking about it more in depth. Though as strong as my thirst for more knowledge is my caution keeps it held in check this time. What great things could I learn and what great spells could I cast if I sat and just studied with her? Things that were great obstacles would become little bumps under my feet. I wonder if Karsis thought the same before he cast his spell and became a God?
I thought during breakfast to perhaps contact Lia and meet with her privately. Someplace far away with an anti scrying spell up to prevent anyone watching. I even went so far as to think up a place for the visit so that I could speak with her and discuss the accusations. Though I know the group would view it as a betrayal I feel I should give her a chance to say her side of it. Sadly though I worry that she is everything they say and if I did do such a thing I would end up dying or getting trapped in a gem. I could not think of a way to guarantee both my safety and her’s. The last thing I wish to do is bring her to a place where the group could catch her off guard. I did also realize that I do not like being anyone’s pawn. Not the city of Waterdeep nor one for the group. I hope the group will understand that. I follow them not because it is profitable. Nor does the fame that comes with it drive me. I follow because of the comradeship and because we do truly try to do good. Lets hope it continues for the sake of all those who have been wronged by the orb and those seeking to use its power for personal gain.
So dear brother I hope you are faring better than I in your travels.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Marpenoth 12
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
How does one judge a friendship? How does ones faith effect them? I believe in my friendship with Lia. I believe in Azuth and his goals to spread magic with reason. Often I simply think of it as just spreading around the use of magic. I have in the past freely given Lia spells and tried to help her out. As a friend and a member of the group she has been the one that has treated me with some respect. I knew she worshiped Shar a long time ago. I brought it to the group but they did not seem as concerned but then again my observations were not concrete. Did she betray us? She did warn us about the basement. Could it be she did not know the creature below was a tormented soul? Could she have just been scared of the spiders like I was after I encountered them? Perhaps she just took the warning more to heart and was not wanting to take a risk in going downstairs. I can understand her taking Gwen and leaving if I was in the same situation I would have taken my friend away from the one that hurt her and tried to comfort. What is the price of friendship? When the group asked me what I would do I said I would not betray them. That I know I would not do. Would I be betraying Lia though by not saying anything? I think if they make plans I will simply leave and come back later. If it happens that they try to include me in thier plans to hurt her I will probably also leave. I have tried in the past so often to not kill people I wonder if I will be forced to kill either Lia or a group member if I would. Which side would I choose if forced to pick? Can one remain neutral always? What if Lia tried to use me to get to the group? So many questions. So many what if's that fill my head. I shall have to ponder it at a future time now I should focus on a school in Calimport. Teaching Transmutation and magic to future pupils. If I wish to purchase a building in Waterdeep or outside of Waterdeep. Though the group does not wish a maintence staff at our local in Waterdeep I still want one at a residence there. It is nice to go to a place and relax have it fixed up and ready for your arrival and food prepared. A place to go for quiet and relaxation. A home to rest a tired soul. I wonder if any in the group could understand that?
So the spiders were all killed. A old soul freed from torment and being trapped in a different form. Again I gave out a copy of the Wish spell to someone who I know is evil. Once given out in friendship this time it was given out more as an appology. In anger I unleashed spellfire at the creature for the loss of my glasses. Now I will have to replace those but what if I would have killed her. Though I know I didnt and probably didnt stand a chance but still what if. Lashing out at someone in anger is not a use for the spellfire. Nor is such lashing out a good thing to do. I should have kept my calm but those spiders frustrated me. None of my spells could effect them. Also when they bit me it was as if I was cut off from the weave. Such huge spiders posed a great threat and the fact there was one that was larger than a house standing there made me worry. I lost several magical items that day but I did not lose my life. I need to remember that items and scrolls can be replaced but people are not. Dirk sacrficed his maul of great power for answers and I doubt I would ever do that with my staff.
My brother I lashed out at you in anger like I did with the giant spider. I hope that she has forgiven me and I wish that you have forgiven me. Someday I will return to accept that which is due.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
How does one judge a friendship? How does ones faith effect them? I believe in my friendship with Lia. I believe in Azuth and his goals to spread magic with reason. Often I simply think of it as just spreading around the use of magic. I have in the past freely given Lia spells and tried to help her out. As a friend and a member of the group she has been the one that has treated me with some respect. I knew she worshiped Shar a long time ago. I brought it to the group but they did not seem as concerned but then again my observations were not concrete. Did she betray us? She did warn us about the basement. Could it be she did not know the creature below was a tormented soul? Could she have just been scared of the spiders like I was after I encountered them? Perhaps she just took the warning more to heart and was not wanting to take a risk in going downstairs. I can understand her taking Gwen and leaving if I was in the same situation I would have taken my friend away from the one that hurt her and tried to comfort. What is the price of friendship? When the group asked me what I would do I said I would not betray them. That I know I would not do. Would I be betraying Lia though by not saying anything? I think if they make plans I will simply leave and come back later. If it happens that they try to include me in thier plans to hurt her I will probably also leave. I have tried in the past so often to not kill people I wonder if I will be forced to kill either Lia or a group member if I would. Which side would I choose if forced to pick? Can one remain neutral always? What if Lia tried to use me to get to the group? So many questions. So many what if's that fill my head. I shall have to ponder it at a future time now I should focus on a school in Calimport. Teaching Transmutation and magic to future pupils. If I wish to purchase a building in Waterdeep or outside of Waterdeep. Though the group does not wish a maintence staff at our local in Waterdeep I still want one at a residence there. It is nice to go to a place and relax have it fixed up and ready for your arrival and food prepared. A place to go for quiet and relaxation. A home to rest a tired soul. I wonder if any in the group could understand that?
So the spiders were all killed. A old soul freed from torment and being trapped in a different form. Again I gave out a copy of the Wish spell to someone who I know is evil. Once given out in friendship this time it was given out more as an appology. In anger I unleashed spellfire at the creature for the loss of my glasses. Now I will have to replace those but what if I would have killed her. Though I know I didnt and probably didnt stand a chance but still what if. Lashing out at someone in anger is not a use for the spellfire. Nor is such lashing out a good thing to do. I should have kept my calm but those spiders frustrated me. None of my spells could effect them. Also when they bit me it was as if I was cut off from the weave. Such huge spiders posed a great threat and the fact there was one that was larger than a house standing there made me worry. I lost several magical items that day but I did not lose my life. I need to remember that items and scrolls can be replaced but people are not. Dirk sacrficed his maul of great power for answers and I doubt I would ever do that with my staff.
My brother I lashed out at you in anger like I did with the giant spider. I hope that she has forgiven me and I wish that you have forgiven me. Someday I will return to accept that which is due.
Monday, November 29, 2004
No clue what day it is..
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
Dear Marcanus
Do you remember when we were younger I used to tell you tales of great deserts full of sand and giant creatures. Things that would make the hearty warrior falter if he knew he had to face them. Creatures that would level entire towns while they slept. Creatures that would crush a caravan because it would not notice small things in its path. I remember you did not believe me each time I told you the stories but each time you sat there listening and would get a small fright as I described such creatures. They always grew larger with each telling and I remember you asking me why they kept getting bigger. “Because they keep feeding on smaller ones or devour an entire town with one swallow.” You would shake in fright but you would still listen each night wanting to be scared because you knew that it was fake. You could let your imagination run wild for a brief moment. Well my brother I have to tell you the stories were true. I did not realize it myself but after fighting such a creature I realize that reality does not have many barriers to the realm of imagination. Simply think it and it shall appear. Either you conjure it with your mind, ability, or by reciting an obscure mystical writing it can happen. The gods can make such monstrosities or a power hungry person.
That is sadly not the main reason for me writing this to you. I had another dilemma that I am facing. Recently I have been using non-lethal measures to avoid killing people. I figured I could spare some lives and set them on a correct course or perhaps find out information for motives on these people. Sadly it has not turned out how I thought it would. Though I did not really have a plan on how it was to turn out. I just know that I did not feel right in killing people all the time. I was hoping the path behind me would not be one full of corpses like it has been for some of my fellow group members. I wonder if their dreams are full of the cries of those who died. I cannot honestly believe everyone that we have killed was truly evil. Perhaps a few misguided. Like the druid in the forest. We did not kill him but I imagine we would have without thought because he was pursuing the orb and I guess we thought he was going to do evil with it. What if we were wrong? We had possibly prevented some other good person from doing their duty and took it upon ourselves endangering thousands of others. Innocent people in Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Those people who would have lived a lot longer killed because of actions taken by our group. I question if that makes me evil in some way. I could go on through the list further but I planned on trying to change things a bit. I am also considering opening a Wizard school in Calimport. Just a small tutorship perhaps 10 students also to make some random magic items that will help out normal people. I remember when I was younger I was more idealistic and though I could give everyone a continual flamed coin and they would never be without light. I pursued ruby dust for months to get it done. Back then it was a big deal to me now its such a simple spell. I still seek to spread magic around but I see the consequences of my actions. The flaming coin was a good thing. However I need to choose a different item than a coin. Perhaps a torch. Perhaps I will use medallions of Azuth for this task. Still I get sidetracked even when I am writing.
The other night like a few nights ago I turned a person to glass. Like last time the person was shattered by Gwen. Though this time I do not really feel sorry for the person. We were attacked in the middle of the night and this person cast a spell that was many years of study a head of me. I do not know who he cast it on but I have a good guess on who his target was. Either way the spell failed and I turned him to glass. After the battle I was healed and I informed the group that though I did not wish to kill this person I knew when he came back to normal he would present a difficult challenge to us. I knew if I allowed him to return to normal he would attack us. Though there was a small chance he would realize attacking us would be futile he would simply disappear or teleport to somewhere else. Either way making him a prisoner or getting any information from him would have been difficult. I was honestly scared of this wizard. Either way the question was settled as Gwen shattered the glass statue. It was later that day that I presented my problem to Dirk. He has been sort of the leader in the group. He is a chosen of his god from what I can tell and generally appears to know that is best. I asked him about my dilemma. About my turning people to glass and they end up getting killed. I asked him what I should do about not wanting to kill people but oh I don’t know. Either way the answer I got from him was to use different methods. I don’t think that I have presented my query to him properly or perhaps he will not understand as my ways are through arcane methods and not like his sword. I plan on spending a moment with Sirrah about this. My fear of taking an innocent life often outweighs my fear of safety. Though if I falter or fail in stopping someone during combat group members or others could get hurt. It is a troubling problem. I cannot go around killing everyone mindlessly. I could start turning people to stone instead of glass but that would require more effort to turn them back to normal. Also the glass I can simply end with an act of will or allow the time to run out. Plus it allows me and the group to remove some magical items so we don’t have to worry they will put up a fight when they return to normal. Is killing someone in glass shape the same as killing a helpless person. I think so. If I start to think otherwise I wonder if that is the first step to the path of evil.
Speaking of evil. We had a group meeting with Lia. The whole group knows the god she worships. The whole group knows a bit more about her. I will not go into detail about the meeting. Either way it ended with her teleporting away. Gwen asked her to leave so she left. It was somehow unnerving. There have been quite a few moments with her in the past few days that have been unnerving. She walked around Calimport brazenly wearing her symbol of Shar. I told her during the meeting I would protect her because she was my friend but I did not wish to attack a good person who is seeking to kill a evil person. This puts me in a different dilemma again. I like Lia. She is an accomplished Wizard. She is an intelligent person and one of the few in the group I can relate to. I have a few fond memories of time spent with her. I know she is evil but still it does not mean they cannot be friendly or that they cannot be likable. So she has committed a few evil deeds should I kill her because of past mistakes? Should I attack someone on sight because they worship a different god? Should I stand by idly and watch someone of a good deity attack someone who I have traveled with and shared meals, conversation, spells, and battles with? Should I allow myself to turn a blind eye to the fact that she could be committing evil deeds while we attempt to do good? Though those questions will not be answered now because she has left the group. A small weight has lifted from my shoulders. I still told her she was always invited to my villa. I use it so little plus it would be nice to see her once in a while. Perhaps catch up on things that have changed. Hopefully one of the things that will change is her view on things. How does one become evil? How do you continue along the path without remorse? Such thinking is alien to me. I imagine I cannot hope to ever understand her reasons and I figure she probably could not understand mine. I do also hope that if the group meets up with her again even in passing that we all treat her with some respect. I know while she is gone occasionally she will enter my thoughts for several reasons. One she has a few powerful spells that I gave her and because she was a beautiful elven woman. Only time will tell and somehow I doubt even the gods know what we will face when we get to those ruins. Hopefully a key to where the orb is or locating it so we can destroy it.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
Dear Marcanus
Do you remember when we were younger I used to tell you tales of great deserts full of sand and giant creatures. Things that would make the hearty warrior falter if he knew he had to face them. Creatures that would level entire towns while they slept. Creatures that would crush a caravan because it would not notice small things in its path. I remember you did not believe me each time I told you the stories but each time you sat there listening and would get a small fright as I described such creatures. They always grew larger with each telling and I remember you asking me why they kept getting bigger. “Because they keep feeding on smaller ones or devour an entire town with one swallow.” You would shake in fright but you would still listen each night wanting to be scared because you knew that it was fake. You could let your imagination run wild for a brief moment. Well my brother I have to tell you the stories were true. I did not realize it myself but after fighting such a creature I realize that reality does not have many barriers to the realm of imagination. Simply think it and it shall appear. Either you conjure it with your mind, ability, or by reciting an obscure mystical writing it can happen. The gods can make such monstrosities or a power hungry person.
That is sadly not the main reason for me writing this to you. I had another dilemma that I am facing. Recently I have been using non-lethal measures to avoid killing people. I figured I could spare some lives and set them on a correct course or perhaps find out information for motives on these people. Sadly it has not turned out how I thought it would. Though I did not really have a plan on how it was to turn out. I just know that I did not feel right in killing people all the time. I was hoping the path behind me would not be one full of corpses like it has been for some of my fellow group members. I wonder if their dreams are full of the cries of those who died. I cannot honestly believe everyone that we have killed was truly evil. Perhaps a few misguided. Like the druid in the forest. We did not kill him but I imagine we would have without thought because he was pursuing the orb and I guess we thought he was going to do evil with it. What if we were wrong? We had possibly prevented some other good person from doing their duty and took it upon ourselves endangering thousands of others. Innocent people in Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Those people who would have lived a lot longer killed because of actions taken by our group. I question if that makes me evil in some way. I could go on through the list further but I planned on trying to change things a bit. I am also considering opening a Wizard school in Calimport. Just a small tutorship perhaps 10 students also to make some random magic items that will help out normal people. I remember when I was younger I was more idealistic and though I could give everyone a continual flamed coin and they would never be without light. I pursued ruby dust for months to get it done. Back then it was a big deal to me now its such a simple spell. I still seek to spread magic around but I see the consequences of my actions. The flaming coin was a good thing. However I need to choose a different item than a coin. Perhaps a torch. Perhaps I will use medallions of Azuth for this task. Still I get sidetracked even when I am writing.
The other night like a few nights ago I turned a person to glass. Like last time the person was shattered by Gwen. Though this time I do not really feel sorry for the person. We were attacked in the middle of the night and this person cast a spell that was many years of study a head of me. I do not know who he cast it on but I have a good guess on who his target was. Either way the spell failed and I turned him to glass. After the battle I was healed and I informed the group that though I did not wish to kill this person I knew when he came back to normal he would present a difficult challenge to us. I knew if I allowed him to return to normal he would attack us. Though there was a small chance he would realize attacking us would be futile he would simply disappear or teleport to somewhere else. Either way making him a prisoner or getting any information from him would have been difficult. I was honestly scared of this wizard. Either way the question was settled as Gwen shattered the glass statue. It was later that day that I presented my problem to Dirk. He has been sort of the leader in the group. He is a chosen of his god from what I can tell and generally appears to know that is best. I asked him about my dilemma. About my turning people to glass and they end up getting killed. I asked him what I should do about not wanting to kill people but oh I don’t know. Either way the answer I got from him was to use different methods. I don’t think that I have presented my query to him properly or perhaps he will not understand as my ways are through arcane methods and not like his sword. I plan on spending a moment with Sirrah about this. My fear of taking an innocent life often outweighs my fear of safety. Though if I falter or fail in stopping someone during combat group members or others could get hurt. It is a troubling problem. I cannot go around killing everyone mindlessly. I could start turning people to stone instead of glass but that would require more effort to turn them back to normal. Also the glass I can simply end with an act of will or allow the time to run out. Plus it allows me and the group to remove some magical items so we don’t have to worry they will put up a fight when they return to normal. Is killing someone in glass shape the same as killing a helpless person. I think so. If I start to think otherwise I wonder if that is the first step to the path of evil.
Speaking of evil. We had a group meeting with Lia. The whole group knows the god she worships. The whole group knows a bit more about her. I will not go into detail about the meeting. Either way it ended with her teleporting away. Gwen asked her to leave so she left. It was somehow unnerving. There have been quite a few moments with her in the past few days that have been unnerving. She walked around Calimport brazenly wearing her symbol of Shar. I told her during the meeting I would protect her because she was my friend but I did not wish to attack a good person who is seeking to kill a evil person. This puts me in a different dilemma again. I like Lia. She is an accomplished Wizard. She is an intelligent person and one of the few in the group I can relate to. I have a few fond memories of time spent with her. I know she is evil but still it does not mean they cannot be friendly or that they cannot be likable. So she has committed a few evil deeds should I kill her because of past mistakes? Should I attack someone on sight because they worship a different god? Should I stand by idly and watch someone of a good deity attack someone who I have traveled with and shared meals, conversation, spells, and battles with? Should I allow myself to turn a blind eye to the fact that she could be committing evil deeds while we attempt to do good? Though those questions will not be answered now because she has left the group. A small weight has lifted from my shoulders. I still told her she was always invited to my villa. I use it so little plus it would be nice to see her once in a while. Perhaps catch up on things that have changed. Hopefully one of the things that will change is her view on things. How does one become evil? How do you continue along the path without remorse? Such thinking is alien to me. I imagine I cannot hope to ever understand her reasons and I figure she probably could not understand mine. I do also hope that if the group meets up with her again even in passing that we all treat her with some respect. I know while she is gone occasionally she will enter my thoughts for several reasons. One she has a few powerful spells that I gave her and because she was a beautiful elven woman. Only time will tell and somehow I doubt even the gods know what we will face when we get to those ruins. Hopefully a key to where the orb is or locating it so we can destroy it.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Elient 22nd PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My blood, my equal, my brother….
In my life I have made many mistakes. Most of them are little ones that add up over time and become large mistakes. During the past few days I have been struck with the feeble mind spell. I know your probably thinking so what else is new but I was. I endured several days of not being able to think correctly. Idle time and thoughts wasted pondering the simple things in life like mud and food. Out of my group only one person was truly nice to me. She fed me and tried to keep me out of trouble. The others did not deal well with me. Sirrah the half-orc I can understand and Dirk being the muscle bounded brute he is would just knock me out. Also being the absentminded group that we are they forgot about me on top of a carriage. I almost died up there in the freezing cold. In the end it was Tage who helped me. She fed me and treated me with tenderness I am not used to. I don’t know if they could understand the difficulty and frustration I was having not being able to coherently voice my thoughts. When I was finally healed and the effect lifted I being angry at all of them insulted the person who was nice to me. I did not mean too insult Tage and am sad now as I reflect upon it. There is nothing I can do to change the moment but it allowed me to see myself and how mean and callous I have become over the years. The years spent in a temple studying and worshiping neglected to teach me about manners and how to behave in some social situations. Last night we were being rewarded for bringing a blessed child of Tyr to the temple of Tyr. During this I was disgusted with myself over the means I took to achieve the return of the child. I left and went to my room to study and retire early. I imagine the clerics here were probably insulted to a degree for my actions. I don’t know if they would ever understand even if I spent the lifetime of an elf trying to explain my disgust with myself. That night I had used a Dominate person spell to dominate the will of a man. He was getting away with the child so I stopped him. I did not know where the child was so I choose the dominate over my glass strike spell. I don’t know if he really knew what was happening to him at the time but I forced him to stop and be shackled. I claimed an item that he had as my own and now I sit and look at it and question my actions. In the past I have been willing to kill in self-defense. I have been willing to look the other way when others killed and saved my rear. I have been willing to run away and then jump in glee over a rival’s death. In the past I have strayed and I wonder how much evil has filled my heart. Tonight was the last straw. I will force myself to change somehow. I will force myself to be kind and gentle. I will force myself to be patient with others. I will force myself to apologize even when I know I am 100% correct. I will start it by tomorrow when I see Tage to tell her I am sorry for my actions. Also that I do appreciate her efforts to make my life comfortable when I was unable to think for myself. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I plan on going to the temple and spending time there worshiping and then visiting a old Jeweler. Also preparations will be made for our journey into a desert. There was an ancient temple uncovered by the storms on midsummer.. Wait a minute. I wonder if the orb resurfacing was for saw. The year is of the Lightning storms and the orb causes such storms. Why did I not see it before. I remember taking a small class about the naming of the years. That will require more thought. The past few days have given me a lot to think about. Though somehow I feel as if time is running out. I hope there is enough for me to fit in a life of repentance and sorry’s to those I have hurt.
Your brother Sean
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My blood, my equal, my brother….
In my life I have made many mistakes. Most of them are little ones that add up over time and become large mistakes. During the past few days I have been struck with the feeble mind spell. I know your probably thinking so what else is new but I was. I endured several days of not being able to think correctly. Idle time and thoughts wasted pondering the simple things in life like mud and food. Out of my group only one person was truly nice to me. She fed me and tried to keep me out of trouble. The others did not deal well with me. Sirrah the half-orc I can understand and Dirk being the muscle bounded brute he is would just knock me out. Also being the absentminded group that we are they forgot about me on top of a carriage. I almost died up there in the freezing cold. In the end it was Tage who helped me. She fed me and treated me with tenderness I am not used to. I don’t know if they could understand the difficulty and frustration I was having not being able to coherently voice my thoughts. When I was finally healed and the effect lifted I being angry at all of them insulted the person who was nice to me. I did not mean too insult Tage and am sad now as I reflect upon it. There is nothing I can do to change the moment but it allowed me to see myself and how mean and callous I have become over the years. The years spent in a temple studying and worshiping neglected to teach me about manners and how to behave in some social situations. Last night we were being rewarded for bringing a blessed child of Tyr to the temple of Tyr. During this I was disgusted with myself over the means I took to achieve the return of the child. I left and went to my room to study and retire early. I imagine the clerics here were probably insulted to a degree for my actions. I don’t know if they would ever understand even if I spent the lifetime of an elf trying to explain my disgust with myself. That night I had used a Dominate person spell to dominate the will of a man. He was getting away with the child so I stopped him. I did not know where the child was so I choose the dominate over my glass strike spell. I don’t know if he really knew what was happening to him at the time but I forced him to stop and be shackled. I claimed an item that he had as my own and now I sit and look at it and question my actions. In the past I have been willing to kill in self-defense. I have been willing to look the other way when others killed and saved my rear. I have been willing to run away and then jump in glee over a rival’s death. In the past I have strayed and I wonder how much evil has filled my heart. Tonight was the last straw. I will force myself to change somehow. I will force myself to be kind and gentle. I will force myself to be patient with others. I will force myself to apologize even when I know I am 100% correct. I will start it by tomorrow when I see Tage to tell her I am sorry for my actions. Also that I do appreciate her efforts to make my life comfortable when I was unable to think for myself. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I plan on going to the temple and spending time there worshiping and then visiting a old Jeweler. Also preparations will be made for our journey into a desert. There was an ancient temple uncovered by the storms on midsummer.. Wait a minute. I wonder if the orb resurfacing was for saw. The year is of the Lightning storms and the orb causes such storms. Why did I not see it before. I remember taking a small class about the naming of the years. That will require more thought. The past few days have given me a lot to think about. Though somehow I feel as if time is running out. I hope there is enough for me to fit in a life of repentance and sorry’s to those I have hurt.
Your brother Sean
Monday, August 30, 2004
Eleasis 28th PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My brother Marcus
Who should judge? The actions of a person through their life should balance on a scale and when they die the scale will tell the end result. How are such actions judged though? If I was to give coin to a starving boy and he goes off to use that and kills people does my saving his life reflect me? If I spare someone’s life in combat to take them to prison or have them redeem themselves and they kill an innocent is it my fault for not ending their life then and there? If I was to spare someone and they help hundreds because they became a changed person should that also reflect on me? I dislike killing people. There have been a rare time when I have been forced to use magic to deal out death and those times weigh on my conscience. I have mastered a powerful art and death comes easily for those who anger me. I don’t think the group realizes yet the extent of my power. I shall have to keep it in check while I can. We recently helped out a family by rescuing them from slavery in some cave. In this we encountered creatures who were evil. In this I threw death in a wide spread and killed quite a few. We saved the people but I ponder at what price. During the rescue I attempted to free some men from their chains but the key was trapped. I lifted the key and sent them to their doom. Am I responsible for their death because I set off the trap? Is the one who created the trap guilty? Is the one who requested the trap and put the men there guilty? Do all three of us share the guilt? I try to do good things but somehow people get hurt. I advised placement of a magical artifact at a tower where my order prays and studies. This item that we took great lengths to turn off was taken. I could have forced a decision to place it elsewhere or to secure it further. I could have even during my vacation stayed there and helped with the defense. Instead I went to my villa and relaxed. I have no doubt that if I was there I would have not have been able to change anything. I could have tried through. My pride and faith led me to believe that the tower was the safest place. I wonder if it would have been secure even in Elminster’s tower. So the orb was taken. I feel a bit responsible that the attack on Neverwinter was partially my fault. We could have placed the orb somewhere void of life and it would have gotten taken but not as many would have died.
How to know if your judgment is correct? The other day while walking Sirrah came alongside me to talk. Aside from the surprise of her talking to me she asked a very serious question. It was about law and she was apparently pondering pursuing the path of a Justicar. She was questioning actions an how does one know if one is correct. What action is the right choice. Why is it alright to kill sometimes but not other times. I have been pondering this myself and the desire to not kill has reflected my spell choices in my research and past castings. I have began to prepare more lethal spells and one that turns people into glass is one of them. I find it is a nice balance. It makes them a glass statue so they are no longer fighting and allows us to remove magical items or at least put them in a position where they can cause no harm. It also lasts a long time so we have time to deal with other things. When the spell ends they are back to normal if the statue is still intact. One of the times I have used it to success the statue was destroyed by Gwen as she was apparently still angry at the person who held a blade to her neck. As it shattered I thought perhaps I was wrong in my choice of spells. I have used it to success against lizard folk along with some illusionary fireballs to defend us. I struck first with my magic against the lizard folk. Though I know I did the correct thing as they are evil and were ambushing perhaps I should have given them time to explain. I struck first and killed one with a lightning bolt. Should I have waited? What separates me from someone else who strikes first and kills someone? I was not really defending myself as I could have flown away. I could have used one of my many other spells to just disable him and then discuss it later but I used a more powerful spell to eliminate him. Who is to judge. I prefer not to. If I had a choice I would rather someone else with more wisdom to judge instead. While I was talking to Sirrah about that she used an experience with a bounty hunter. This guy tracked down the girl who’s family we helped rescue. He attempted to kill her but we stopped it and after some difficulty and such turned him into the local authorities. He is now in prison being held in chains. Sirrah was questioning that because she has been held in chains before and knows the experience. The guy did not kill the girl he attempted it I believe she thinks it to be a bit harsh for such. I explained her experience with being held captive helps her understand the punishment. It is difficult for me to explain I understand laws are needed and I try to follow as I told her though laws aren’t always just. I feel if she were to choose the path of a Justicar it will force her to choose between the law and the group. Another sample of justice would be the situation the group is in with a certain man named Jesse. This guy was originally a bandit assaulting a carriage for money and other valuables. We stopped it and killed most of his comrades and brought him along. The group was slightly content to leave him with us as we headed to a town. Most of the time he was not held in bonds. He attempted to rob someone and it seems we may let him go because he helped us track down a lizard man. I figure it is the people in the carriage who should decide such fate not us and if I am asked I will let whoever know of that. I do not feel comfortable around Jesse. The thought that he would kill for money does not set well with me. How does one know if ones actions are just? I wish I could help Sirrah in her quest. I wish I could give her an answer or at least some words that would help but I lack the words. My mind does not follow a straight path when I consider the subject. Though my mind also follows another path when I ponder why she asked me. Why did she not ask Dirk who obviously has the blessings of his goddess? I think in the past 6 months I have had maybe a hundred words with Sirrah. Now I will easily surpass that if we continue discussion of what is just. Who should judge and what will matter the most in the end. Judging that moment in combat and ending the persons life or letting them live and have a life in prison of suffering. Quickly killing them or giving them a chance to escape or reform to possibly either kill or help other innocents. I hope in battle I do not suffer a moment of indecision and let someone get hurt.
Until next time choose wisely.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My brother Marcus
Who should judge? The actions of a person through their life should balance on a scale and when they die the scale will tell the end result. How are such actions judged though? If I was to give coin to a starving boy and he goes off to use that and kills people does my saving his life reflect me? If I spare someone’s life in combat to take them to prison or have them redeem themselves and they kill an innocent is it my fault for not ending their life then and there? If I was to spare someone and they help hundreds because they became a changed person should that also reflect on me? I dislike killing people. There have been a rare time when I have been forced to use magic to deal out death and those times weigh on my conscience. I have mastered a powerful art and death comes easily for those who anger me. I don’t think the group realizes yet the extent of my power. I shall have to keep it in check while I can. We recently helped out a family by rescuing them from slavery in some cave. In this we encountered creatures who were evil. In this I threw death in a wide spread and killed quite a few. We saved the people but I ponder at what price. During the rescue I attempted to free some men from their chains but the key was trapped. I lifted the key and sent them to their doom. Am I responsible for their death because I set off the trap? Is the one who created the trap guilty? Is the one who requested the trap and put the men there guilty? Do all three of us share the guilt? I try to do good things but somehow people get hurt. I advised placement of a magical artifact at a tower where my order prays and studies. This item that we took great lengths to turn off was taken. I could have forced a decision to place it elsewhere or to secure it further. I could have even during my vacation stayed there and helped with the defense. Instead I went to my villa and relaxed. I have no doubt that if I was there I would have not have been able to change anything. I could have tried through. My pride and faith led me to believe that the tower was the safest place. I wonder if it would have been secure even in Elminster’s tower. So the orb was taken. I feel a bit responsible that the attack on Neverwinter was partially my fault. We could have placed the orb somewhere void of life and it would have gotten taken but not as many would have died.
How to know if your judgment is correct? The other day while walking Sirrah came alongside me to talk. Aside from the surprise of her talking to me she asked a very serious question. It was about law and she was apparently pondering pursuing the path of a Justicar. She was questioning actions an how does one know if one is correct. What action is the right choice. Why is it alright to kill sometimes but not other times. I have been pondering this myself and the desire to not kill has reflected my spell choices in my research and past castings. I have began to prepare more lethal spells and one that turns people into glass is one of them. I find it is a nice balance. It makes them a glass statue so they are no longer fighting and allows us to remove magical items or at least put them in a position where they can cause no harm. It also lasts a long time so we have time to deal with other things. When the spell ends they are back to normal if the statue is still intact. One of the times I have used it to success the statue was destroyed by Gwen as she was apparently still angry at the person who held a blade to her neck. As it shattered I thought perhaps I was wrong in my choice of spells. I have used it to success against lizard folk along with some illusionary fireballs to defend us. I struck first with my magic against the lizard folk. Though I know I did the correct thing as they are evil and were ambushing perhaps I should have given them time to explain. I struck first and killed one with a lightning bolt. Should I have waited? What separates me from someone else who strikes first and kills someone? I was not really defending myself as I could have flown away. I could have used one of my many other spells to just disable him and then discuss it later but I used a more powerful spell to eliminate him. Who is to judge. I prefer not to. If I had a choice I would rather someone else with more wisdom to judge instead. While I was talking to Sirrah about that she used an experience with a bounty hunter. This guy tracked down the girl who’s family we helped rescue. He attempted to kill her but we stopped it and after some difficulty and such turned him into the local authorities. He is now in prison being held in chains. Sirrah was questioning that because she has been held in chains before and knows the experience. The guy did not kill the girl he attempted it I believe she thinks it to be a bit harsh for such. I explained her experience with being held captive helps her understand the punishment. It is difficult for me to explain I understand laws are needed and I try to follow as I told her though laws aren’t always just. I feel if she were to choose the path of a Justicar it will force her to choose between the law and the group. Another sample of justice would be the situation the group is in with a certain man named Jesse. This guy was originally a bandit assaulting a carriage for money and other valuables. We stopped it and killed most of his comrades and brought him along. The group was slightly content to leave him with us as we headed to a town. Most of the time he was not held in bonds. He attempted to rob someone and it seems we may let him go because he helped us track down a lizard man. I figure it is the people in the carriage who should decide such fate not us and if I am asked I will let whoever know of that. I do not feel comfortable around Jesse. The thought that he would kill for money does not set well with me. How does one know if ones actions are just? I wish I could help Sirrah in her quest. I wish I could give her an answer or at least some words that would help but I lack the words. My mind does not follow a straight path when I consider the subject. Though my mind also follows another path when I ponder why she asked me. Why did she not ask Dirk who obviously has the blessings of his goddess? I think in the past 6 months I have had maybe a hundred words with Sirrah. Now I will easily surpass that if we continue discussion of what is just. Who should judge and what will matter the most in the end. Judging that moment in combat and ending the persons life or letting them live and have a life in prison of suffering. Quickly killing them or giving them a chance to escape or reform to possibly either kill or help other innocents. I hope in battle I do not suffer a moment of indecision and let someone get hurt.
Until next time choose wisely.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Eleasis 23rd PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
A vaction over and lots of prep paying off. I paid some craftsmen to make a staff out of some mithral Dirk gave me. I just wanted a staff but in the end splurged and threw in some of my dust. Enough to live a comfortable lifestyle for a year into this staff. I waited a long time for it to be finished. Now I am reconsidering my expendature. Perhaps I should have waited until I was ready to craft my own staff and imbue it with magical properties. Perhaps I should have better choosen the craftsman I was going to use. Word that Lia killed Spike is bittersweet. I know Spike is a killer. I imagine future encounters with him would not result in a friendly parting. Though the idea that Lia is growing in power that much quickly is also by itself frightening. Spike was an accomplished assassin. Now the group has gathered still missing a few people. Lia has not rejoined up with the group yet and I am slightly happy she is not back yet. This gives me a bit more time to ponder my relationship with her. Though she is a wizard and I feel a sort of comradre with her.. her views and such I do not like. I ponder if a split in the group may arise. Should I consider and choose my side now or should I get others to join with me. We are the hero's of Waterdeep it may seem our greatest foe is ourselves.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
A vaction over and lots of prep paying off. I paid some craftsmen to make a staff out of some mithral Dirk gave me. I just wanted a staff but in the end splurged and threw in some of my dust. Enough to live a comfortable lifestyle for a year into this staff. I waited a long time for it to be finished. Now I am reconsidering my expendature. Perhaps I should have waited until I was ready to craft my own staff and imbue it with magical properties. Perhaps I should have better choosen the craftsman I was going to use. Word that Lia killed Spike is bittersweet. I know Spike is a killer. I imagine future encounters with him would not result in a friendly parting. Though the idea that Lia is growing in power that much quickly is also by itself frightening. Spike was an accomplished assassin. Now the group has gathered still missing a few people. Lia has not rejoined up with the group yet and I am slightly happy she is not back yet. This gives me a bit more time to ponder my relationship with her. Though she is a wizard and I feel a sort of comradre with her.. her views and such I do not like. I ponder if a split in the group may arise. Should I consider and choose my side now or should I get others to join with me. We are the hero's of Waterdeep it may seem our greatest foe is ourselves.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Unknown AM The year of lightning Storms 1374
I am dead. Or I was dead. It is difficult to say such a thing. I know I died. I do not remember what happened after that moment when the javelin pieced my body. A moment of fog after I woke up in a temple with my friends. I remember points in the combat where I questioned what I should do. I scoured through my mind and scrolls pondering what could help. Tage asked me to save my spells for the correct moment and I pondered what spells could I possibly have that would make a difference. I remember casting a cantrip to check and see if a spell was still activate and another spell going off. Moments where I was not fully concentrating or paying attention. Simple errors that hurt everyone around me. More people were hurt due to my lack of offensive spells. I had wasted my time with spells to enhance my spell casting ability when I could have prepared something else. I remember watching a hallway where some priestess disappeared behind some stone. I stayed back and watched not because I knew they would come back out. I stayed behind because I knew I could do little out on the field. I came out when I realized people were getting hurt badly. I tried to make a stand and I failed. We won and are now honored by the Lords of Waterdeep. Still their honoring feels like they are setting us up for something. I feel like a piece in a game where I cannot see my foes nor do I know what strategy my commander is using. Will I be a willing piece of the game? I don’t think so. I shall have to take better care in being prepared. I will not be useless next time. I often feel that I do not pull my weight and am just someone that comes along for the ride. That I shall have to change.
So the Lords of Waterdeep had watched the battle. I carefully reviewed it to find out if my secret was revealed. I have no clue what spells Lia cast on me to charge up my spellfire but they did the trick. I shall concentrate more on my studies of this ability to ensure I am not caught unprepared in the future.
I am dead. Or I was dead. It is difficult to say such a thing. I know I died. I do not remember what happened after that moment when the javelin pieced my body. A moment of fog after I woke up in a temple with my friends. I remember points in the combat where I questioned what I should do. I scoured through my mind and scrolls pondering what could help. Tage asked me to save my spells for the correct moment and I pondered what spells could I possibly have that would make a difference. I remember casting a cantrip to check and see if a spell was still activate and another spell going off. Moments where I was not fully concentrating or paying attention. Simple errors that hurt everyone around me. More people were hurt due to my lack of offensive spells. I had wasted my time with spells to enhance my spell casting ability when I could have prepared something else. I remember watching a hallway where some priestess disappeared behind some stone. I stayed back and watched not because I knew they would come back out. I stayed behind because I knew I could do little out on the field. I came out when I realized people were getting hurt badly. I tried to make a stand and I failed. We won and are now honored by the Lords of Waterdeep. Still their honoring feels like they are setting us up for something. I feel like a piece in a game where I cannot see my foes nor do I know what strategy my commander is using. Will I be a willing piece of the game? I don’t think so. I shall have to take better care in being prepared. I will not be useless next time. I often feel that I do not pull my weight and am just someone that comes along for the ride. That I shall have to change.
So the Lords of Waterdeep had watched the battle. I carefully reviewed it to find out if my secret was revealed. I have no clue what spells Lia cast on me to charge up my spellfire but they did the trick. I shall concentrate more on my studies of this ability to ensure I am not caught unprepared in the future.
