Monday, November 29, 2004
No clue what day it is..
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
Dear Marcanus
Do you remember when we were younger I used to tell you tales of great deserts full of sand and giant creatures. Things that would make the hearty warrior falter if he knew he had to face them. Creatures that would level entire towns while they slept. Creatures that would crush a caravan because it would not notice small things in its path. I remember you did not believe me each time I told you the stories but each time you sat there listening and would get a small fright as I described such creatures. They always grew larger with each telling and I remember you asking me why they kept getting bigger. “Because they keep feeding on smaller ones or devour an entire town with one swallow.” You would shake in fright but you would still listen each night wanting to be scared because you knew that it was fake. You could let your imagination run wild for a brief moment. Well my brother I have to tell you the stories were true. I did not realize it myself but after fighting such a creature I realize that reality does not have many barriers to the realm of imagination. Simply think it and it shall appear. Either you conjure it with your mind, ability, or by reciting an obscure mystical writing it can happen. The gods can make such monstrosities or a power hungry person.
That is sadly not the main reason for me writing this to you. I had another dilemma that I am facing. Recently I have been using non-lethal measures to avoid killing people. I figured I could spare some lives and set them on a correct course or perhaps find out information for motives on these people. Sadly it has not turned out how I thought it would. Though I did not really have a plan on how it was to turn out. I just know that I did not feel right in killing people all the time. I was hoping the path behind me would not be one full of corpses like it has been for some of my fellow group members. I wonder if their dreams are full of the cries of those who died. I cannot honestly believe everyone that we have killed was truly evil. Perhaps a few misguided. Like the druid in the forest. We did not kill him but I imagine we would have without thought because he was pursuing the orb and I guess we thought he was going to do evil with it. What if we were wrong? We had possibly prevented some other good person from doing their duty and took it upon ourselves endangering thousands of others. Innocent people in Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Those people who would have lived a lot longer killed because of actions taken by our group. I question if that makes me evil in some way. I could go on through the list further but I planned on trying to change things a bit. I am also considering opening a Wizard school in Calimport. Just a small tutorship perhaps 10 students also to make some random magic items that will help out normal people. I remember when I was younger I was more idealistic and though I could give everyone a continual flamed coin and they would never be without light. I pursued ruby dust for months to get it done. Back then it was a big deal to me now its such a simple spell. I still seek to spread magic around but I see the consequences of my actions. The flaming coin was a good thing. However I need to choose a different item than a coin. Perhaps a torch. Perhaps I will use medallions of Azuth for this task. Still I get sidetracked even when I am writing.
The other night like a few nights ago I turned a person to glass. Like last time the person was shattered by Gwen. Though this time I do not really feel sorry for the person. We were attacked in the middle of the night and this person cast a spell that was many years of study a head of me. I do not know who he cast it on but I have a good guess on who his target was. Either way the spell failed and I turned him to glass. After the battle I was healed and I informed the group that though I did not wish to kill this person I knew when he came back to normal he would present a difficult challenge to us. I knew if I allowed him to return to normal he would attack us. Though there was a small chance he would realize attacking us would be futile he would simply disappear or teleport to somewhere else. Either way making him a prisoner or getting any information from him would have been difficult. I was honestly scared of this wizard. Either way the question was settled as Gwen shattered the glass statue. It was later that day that I presented my problem to Dirk. He has been sort of the leader in the group. He is a chosen of his god from what I can tell and generally appears to know that is best. I asked him about my dilemma. About my turning people to glass and they end up getting killed. I asked him what I should do about not wanting to kill people but oh I don’t know. Either way the answer I got from him was to use different methods. I don’t think that I have presented my query to him properly or perhaps he will not understand as my ways are through arcane methods and not like his sword. I plan on spending a moment with Sirrah about this. My fear of taking an innocent life often outweighs my fear of safety. Though if I falter or fail in stopping someone during combat group members or others could get hurt. It is a troubling problem. I cannot go around killing everyone mindlessly. I could start turning people to stone instead of glass but that would require more effort to turn them back to normal. Also the glass I can simply end with an act of will or allow the time to run out. Plus it allows me and the group to remove some magical items so we don’t have to worry they will put up a fight when they return to normal. Is killing someone in glass shape the same as killing a helpless person. I think so. If I start to think otherwise I wonder if that is the first step to the path of evil.
Speaking of evil. We had a group meeting with Lia. The whole group knows the god she worships. The whole group knows a bit more about her. I will not go into detail about the meeting. Either way it ended with her teleporting away. Gwen asked her to leave so she left. It was somehow unnerving. There have been quite a few moments with her in the past few days that have been unnerving. She walked around Calimport brazenly wearing her symbol of Shar. I told her during the meeting I would protect her because she was my friend but I did not wish to attack a good person who is seeking to kill a evil person. This puts me in a different dilemma again. I like Lia. She is an accomplished Wizard. She is an intelligent person and one of the few in the group I can relate to. I have a few fond memories of time spent with her. I know she is evil but still it does not mean they cannot be friendly or that they cannot be likable. So she has committed a few evil deeds should I kill her because of past mistakes? Should I attack someone on sight because they worship a different god? Should I stand by idly and watch someone of a good deity attack someone who I have traveled with and shared meals, conversation, spells, and battles with? Should I allow myself to turn a blind eye to the fact that she could be committing evil deeds while we attempt to do good? Though those questions will not be answered now because she has left the group. A small weight has lifted from my shoulders. I still told her she was always invited to my villa. I use it so little plus it would be nice to see her once in a while. Perhaps catch up on things that have changed. Hopefully one of the things that will change is her view on things. How does one become evil? How do you continue along the path without remorse? Such thinking is alien to me. I imagine I cannot hope to ever understand her reasons and I figure she probably could not understand mine. I do also hope that if the group meets up with her again even in passing that we all treat her with some respect. I know while she is gone occasionally she will enter my thoughts for several reasons. One she has a few powerful spells that I gave her and because she was a beautiful elven woman. Only time will tell and somehow I doubt even the gods know what we will face when we get to those ruins. Hopefully a key to where the orb is or locating it so we can destroy it.
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
Dear Marcanus
Do you remember when we were younger I used to tell you tales of great deserts full of sand and giant creatures. Things that would make the hearty warrior falter if he knew he had to face them. Creatures that would level entire towns while they slept. Creatures that would crush a caravan because it would not notice small things in its path. I remember you did not believe me each time I told you the stories but each time you sat there listening and would get a small fright as I described such creatures. They always grew larger with each telling and I remember you asking me why they kept getting bigger. “Because they keep feeding on smaller ones or devour an entire town with one swallow.” You would shake in fright but you would still listen each night wanting to be scared because you knew that it was fake. You could let your imagination run wild for a brief moment. Well my brother I have to tell you the stories were true. I did not realize it myself but after fighting such a creature I realize that reality does not have many barriers to the realm of imagination. Simply think it and it shall appear. Either you conjure it with your mind, ability, or by reciting an obscure mystical writing it can happen. The gods can make such monstrosities or a power hungry person.
That is sadly not the main reason for me writing this to you. I had another dilemma that I am facing. Recently I have been using non-lethal measures to avoid killing people. I figured I could spare some lives and set them on a correct course or perhaps find out information for motives on these people. Sadly it has not turned out how I thought it would. Though I did not really have a plan on how it was to turn out. I just know that I did not feel right in killing people all the time. I was hoping the path behind me would not be one full of corpses like it has been for some of my fellow group members. I wonder if their dreams are full of the cries of those who died. I cannot honestly believe everyone that we have killed was truly evil. Perhaps a few misguided. Like the druid in the forest. We did not kill him but I imagine we would have without thought because he was pursuing the orb and I guess we thought he was going to do evil with it. What if we were wrong? We had possibly prevented some other good person from doing their duty and took it upon ourselves endangering thousands of others. Innocent people in Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Those people who would have lived a lot longer killed because of actions taken by our group. I question if that makes me evil in some way. I could go on through the list further but I planned on trying to change things a bit. I am also considering opening a Wizard school in Calimport. Just a small tutorship perhaps 10 students also to make some random magic items that will help out normal people. I remember when I was younger I was more idealistic and though I could give everyone a continual flamed coin and they would never be without light. I pursued ruby dust for months to get it done. Back then it was a big deal to me now its such a simple spell. I still seek to spread magic around but I see the consequences of my actions. The flaming coin was a good thing. However I need to choose a different item than a coin. Perhaps a torch. Perhaps I will use medallions of Azuth for this task. Still I get sidetracked even when I am writing.
The other night like a few nights ago I turned a person to glass. Like last time the person was shattered by Gwen. Though this time I do not really feel sorry for the person. We were attacked in the middle of the night and this person cast a spell that was many years of study a head of me. I do not know who he cast it on but I have a good guess on who his target was. Either way the spell failed and I turned him to glass. After the battle I was healed and I informed the group that though I did not wish to kill this person I knew when he came back to normal he would present a difficult challenge to us. I knew if I allowed him to return to normal he would attack us. Though there was a small chance he would realize attacking us would be futile he would simply disappear or teleport to somewhere else. Either way making him a prisoner or getting any information from him would have been difficult. I was honestly scared of this wizard. Either way the question was settled as Gwen shattered the glass statue. It was later that day that I presented my problem to Dirk. He has been sort of the leader in the group. He is a chosen of his god from what I can tell and generally appears to know that is best. I asked him about my dilemma. About my turning people to glass and they end up getting killed. I asked him what I should do about not wanting to kill people but oh I don’t know. Either way the answer I got from him was to use different methods. I don’t think that I have presented my query to him properly or perhaps he will not understand as my ways are through arcane methods and not like his sword. I plan on spending a moment with Sirrah about this. My fear of taking an innocent life often outweighs my fear of safety. Though if I falter or fail in stopping someone during combat group members or others could get hurt. It is a troubling problem. I cannot go around killing everyone mindlessly. I could start turning people to stone instead of glass but that would require more effort to turn them back to normal. Also the glass I can simply end with an act of will or allow the time to run out. Plus it allows me and the group to remove some magical items so we don’t have to worry they will put up a fight when they return to normal. Is killing someone in glass shape the same as killing a helpless person. I think so. If I start to think otherwise I wonder if that is the first step to the path of evil.
Speaking of evil. We had a group meeting with Lia. The whole group knows the god she worships. The whole group knows a bit more about her. I will not go into detail about the meeting. Either way it ended with her teleporting away. Gwen asked her to leave so she left. It was somehow unnerving. There have been quite a few moments with her in the past few days that have been unnerving. She walked around Calimport brazenly wearing her symbol of Shar. I told her during the meeting I would protect her because she was my friend but I did not wish to attack a good person who is seeking to kill a evil person. This puts me in a different dilemma again. I like Lia. She is an accomplished Wizard. She is an intelligent person and one of the few in the group I can relate to. I have a few fond memories of time spent with her. I know she is evil but still it does not mean they cannot be friendly or that they cannot be likable. So she has committed a few evil deeds should I kill her because of past mistakes? Should I attack someone on sight because they worship a different god? Should I stand by idly and watch someone of a good deity attack someone who I have traveled with and shared meals, conversation, spells, and battles with? Should I allow myself to turn a blind eye to the fact that she could be committing evil deeds while we attempt to do good? Though those questions will not be answered now because she has left the group. A small weight has lifted from my shoulders. I still told her she was always invited to my villa. I use it so little plus it would be nice to see her once in a while. Perhaps catch up on things that have changed. Hopefully one of the things that will change is her view on things. How does one become evil? How do you continue along the path without remorse? Such thinking is alien to me. I imagine I cannot hope to ever understand her reasons and I figure she probably could not understand mine. I do also hope that if the group meets up with her again even in passing that we all treat her with some respect. I know while she is gone occasionally she will enter my thoughts for several reasons. One she has a few powerful spells that I gave her and because she was a beautiful elven woman. Only time will tell and somehow I doubt even the gods know what we will face when we get to those ruins. Hopefully a key to where the orb is or locating it so we can destroy it.
