Monday, September 27, 2004
Elient 22nd PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My blood, my equal, my brother….
In my life I have made many mistakes. Most of them are little ones that add up over time and become large mistakes. During the past few days I have been struck with the feeble mind spell. I know your probably thinking so what else is new but I was. I endured several days of not being able to think correctly. Idle time and thoughts wasted pondering the simple things in life like mud and food. Out of my group only one person was truly nice to me. She fed me and tried to keep me out of trouble. The others did not deal well with me. Sirrah the half-orc I can understand and Dirk being the muscle bounded brute he is would just knock me out. Also being the absentminded group that we are they forgot about me on top of a carriage. I almost died up there in the freezing cold. In the end it was Tage who helped me. She fed me and treated me with tenderness I am not used to. I don’t know if they could understand the difficulty and frustration I was having not being able to coherently voice my thoughts. When I was finally healed and the effect lifted I being angry at all of them insulted the person who was nice to me. I did not mean too insult Tage and am sad now as I reflect upon it. There is nothing I can do to change the moment but it allowed me to see myself and how mean and callous I have become over the years. The years spent in a temple studying and worshiping neglected to teach me about manners and how to behave in some social situations. Last night we were being rewarded for bringing a blessed child of Tyr to the temple of Tyr. During this I was disgusted with myself over the means I took to achieve the return of the child. I left and went to my room to study and retire early. I imagine the clerics here were probably insulted to a degree for my actions. I don’t know if they would ever understand even if I spent the lifetime of an elf trying to explain my disgust with myself. That night I had used a Dominate person spell to dominate the will of a man. He was getting away with the child so I stopped him. I did not know where the child was so I choose the dominate over my glass strike spell. I don’t know if he really knew what was happening to him at the time but I forced him to stop and be shackled. I claimed an item that he had as my own and now I sit and look at it and question my actions. In the past I have been willing to kill in self-defense. I have been willing to look the other way when others killed and saved my rear. I have been willing to run away and then jump in glee over a rival’s death. In the past I have strayed and I wonder how much evil has filled my heart. Tonight was the last straw. I will force myself to change somehow. I will force myself to be kind and gentle. I will force myself to be patient with others. I will force myself to apologize even when I know I am 100% correct. I will start it by tomorrow when I see Tage to tell her I am sorry for my actions. Also that I do appreciate her efforts to make my life comfortable when I was unable to think for myself. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I plan on going to the temple and spending time there worshiping and then visiting a old Jeweler. Also preparations will be made for our journey into a desert. There was an ancient temple uncovered by the storms on midsummer.. Wait a minute. I wonder if the orb resurfacing was for saw. The year is of the Lightning storms and the orb causes such storms. Why did I not see it before. I remember taking a small class about the naming of the years. That will require more thought. The past few days have given me a lot to think about. Though somehow I feel as if time is running out. I hope there is enough for me to fit in a life of repentance and sorry’s to those I have hurt.
Your brother Sean
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My blood, my equal, my brother….
In my life I have made many mistakes. Most of them are little ones that add up over time and become large mistakes. During the past few days I have been struck with the feeble mind spell. I know your probably thinking so what else is new but I was. I endured several days of not being able to think correctly. Idle time and thoughts wasted pondering the simple things in life like mud and food. Out of my group only one person was truly nice to me. She fed me and tried to keep me out of trouble. The others did not deal well with me. Sirrah the half-orc I can understand and Dirk being the muscle bounded brute he is would just knock me out. Also being the absentminded group that we are they forgot about me on top of a carriage. I almost died up there in the freezing cold. In the end it was Tage who helped me. She fed me and treated me with tenderness I am not used to. I don’t know if they could understand the difficulty and frustration I was having not being able to coherently voice my thoughts. When I was finally healed and the effect lifted I being angry at all of them insulted the person who was nice to me. I did not mean too insult Tage and am sad now as I reflect upon it. There is nothing I can do to change the moment but it allowed me to see myself and how mean and callous I have become over the years. The years spent in a temple studying and worshiping neglected to teach me about manners and how to behave in some social situations. Last night we were being rewarded for bringing a blessed child of Tyr to the temple of Tyr. During this I was disgusted with myself over the means I took to achieve the return of the child. I left and went to my room to study and retire early. I imagine the clerics here were probably insulted to a degree for my actions. I don’t know if they would ever understand even if I spent the lifetime of an elf trying to explain my disgust with myself. That night I had used a Dominate person spell to dominate the will of a man. He was getting away with the child so I stopped him. I did not know where the child was so I choose the dominate over my glass strike spell. I don’t know if he really knew what was happening to him at the time but I forced him to stop and be shackled. I claimed an item that he had as my own and now I sit and look at it and question my actions. In the past I have been willing to kill in self-defense. I have been willing to look the other way when others killed and saved my rear. I have been willing to run away and then jump in glee over a rival’s death. In the past I have strayed and I wonder how much evil has filled my heart. Tonight was the last straw. I will force myself to change somehow. I will force myself to be kind and gentle. I will force myself to be patient with others. I will force myself to apologize even when I know I am 100% correct. I will start it by tomorrow when I see Tage to tell her I am sorry for my actions. Also that I do appreciate her efforts to make my life comfortable when I was unable to think for myself. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I plan on going to the temple and spending time there worshiping and then visiting a old Jeweler. Also preparations will be made for our journey into a desert. There was an ancient temple uncovered by the storms on midsummer.. Wait a minute. I wonder if the orb resurfacing was for saw. The year is of the Lightning storms and the orb causes such storms. Why did I not see it before. I remember taking a small class about the naming of the years. That will require more thought. The past few days have given me a lot to think about. Though somehow I feel as if time is running out. I hope there is enough for me to fit in a life of repentance and sorry’s to those I have hurt.
Your brother Sean
