Sean Tradglasiar

2005-02-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

Marpenoth 13
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

How does being trapped for millennia feel? As I ponder the length of time that Mira went through it staggers my imagination. I can understand complex magical equations and I can cast almost any spell I come across. Though when I try to ponder how being trapped for several thousand years would be like I cannot comprehend it. I keep seeing though in my head those spiders eating magical items. I can see her as a giant version of those spiders and the glow off of Dirk’s sword. I know she is evil and I am trying to show her as much kindness as I can. I try to give freely, as the best weapon against such suffering is kindness and friendship. I hope that she does not take out her years of anger against innocents. The possibility of her being a good person and helping fight against others that would seek to torment or imprison others I would like to think is great. Then there is the matter of her spellcasting. How much the weave has changed since she was transformed? What dangers will arise from her using the old methods and old spells? Should I worry that even the simplest of spells that she casts may cause permanent damage? The land is riddled with holes in the weave. Areas of dead magic ranging from a wagon sized area to others that could cover an entire city. One of the first things I should have done was contact someone in my order and asked him or her but I do not wish to bring attention to Mira. I think I will just have to keep in touch with her and find out if she feels anything different about the weave. What happens if she start using the more complex spells frequently. The Wish spell itself takes a great toll on the caster when it is used. The amount of energy it takes to force reality to change to your desires is a lot. She was able to do it with ease but how much strain does it place on the Weave when she does it? Though like a finely sewn rub the Weave can handle a lot but if you cut enough threads even the greatest seamstress could not keep the rug from unraveling. Yet again I made a rash decision and am now thinking about it more in depth. Though as strong as my thirst for more knowledge is my caution keeps it held in check this time. What great things could I learn and what great spells could I cast if I sat and just studied with her? Things that were great obstacles would become little bumps under my feet. I wonder if Karsis thought the same before he cast his spell and became a God?

I thought during breakfast to perhaps contact Lia and meet with her privately. Someplace far away with an anti scrying spell up to prevent anyone watching. I even went so far as to think up a place for the visit so that I could speak with her and discuss the accusations. Though I know the group would view it as a betrayal I feel I should give her a chance to say her side of it. Sadly though I worry that she is everything they say and if I did do such a thing I would end up dying or getting trapped in a gem. I could not think of a way to guarantee both my safety and her’s. The last thing I wish to do is bring her to a place where the group could catch her off guard. I did also realize that I do not like being anyone’s pawn. Not the city of Waterdeep nor one for the group. I hope the group will understand that. I follow them not because it is profitable. Nor does the fame that comes with it drive me. I follow because of the comradeship and because we do truly try to do good. Lets hope it continues for the sake of all those who have been wronged by the orb and those seeking to use its power for personal gain.

So dear brother I hope you are faring better than I in your travels.

2005-02-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

Marpenoth 12
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

How does one judge a friendship? How does ones faith effect them? I believe in my friendship with Lia. I believe in Azuth and his goals to spread magic with reason. Often I simply think of it as just spreading around the use of magic. I have in the past freely given Lia spells and tried to help her out. As a friend and a member of the group she has been the one that has treated me with some respect. I knew she worshiped Shar a long time ago. I brought it to the group but they did not seem as concerned but then again my observations were not concrete. Did she betray us? She did warn us about the basement. Could it be she did not know the creature below was a tormented soul? Could she have just been scared of the spiders like I was after I encountered them? Perhaps she just took the warning more to heart and was not wanting to take a risk in going downstairs. I can understand her taking Gwen and leaving if I was in the same situation I would have taken my friend away from the one that hurt her and tried to comfort. What is the price of friendship? When the group asked me what I would do I said I would not betray them. That I know I would not do. Would I be betraying Lia though by not saying anything? I think if they make plans I will simply leave and come back later. If it happens that they try to include me in thier plans to hurt her I will probably also leave. I have tried in the past so often to not kill people I wonder if I will be forced to kill either Lia or a group member if I would. Which side would I choose if forced to pick? Can one remain neutral always? What if Lia tried to use me to get to the group? So many questions. So many what if's that fill my head. I shall have to ponder it at a future time now I should focus on a school in Calimport. Teaching Transmutation and magic to future pupils. If I wish to purchase a building in Waterdeep or outside of Waterdeep. Though the group does not wish a maintence staff at our local in Waterdeep I still want one at a residence there. It is nice to go to a place and relax have it fixed up and ready for your arrival and food prepared. A place to go for quiet and relaxation. A home to rest a tired soul. I wonder if any in the group could understand that?

So the spiders were all killed. A old soul freed from torment and being trapped in a different form. Again I gave out a copy of the Wish spell to someone who I know is evil. Once given out in friendship this time it was given out more as an appology. In anger I unleashed spellfire at the creature for the loss of my glasses. Now I will have to replace those but what if I would have killed her. Though I know I didnt and probably didnt stand a chance but still what if. Lashing out at someone in anger is not a use for the spellfire. Nor is such lashing out a good thing to do. I should have kept my calm but those spiders frustrated me. None of my spells could effect them. Also when they bit me it was as if I was cut off from the weave. Such huge spiders posed a great threat and the fact there was one that was larger than a house standing there made me worry. I lost several magical items that day but I did not lose my life. I need to remember that items and scrolls can be replaced but people are not. Dirk sacrficed his maul of great power for answers and I doubt I would ever do that with my staff.

My brother I lashed out at you in anger like I did with the giant spider. I hope that she has forgiven me and I wish that you have forgiven me. Someday I will return to accept that which is due.

2004-11-29T02:40:00.000-08:00

No clue what day it is..
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
Dear Marcanus
Do you remember when we were younger I used to tell you tales of great deserts full of sand and giant creatures. Things that would make the hearty warrior falter if he knew he had to face them. Creatures that would level entire towns while they slept. Creatures that would crush a caravan because it would not notice small things in its path. I remember you did not believe me each time I told you the stories but each time you sat there listening and would get a small fright as I described such creatures. They always grew larger with each telling and I remember you asking me why they kept getting bigger. “Because they keep feeding on smaller ones or devour an entire town with one swallow.” You would shake in fright but you would still listen each night wanting to be scared because you knew that it was fake. You could let your imagination run wild for a brief moment. Well my brother I have to tell you the stories were true. I did not realize it myself but after fighting such a creature I realize that reality does not have many barriers to the realm of imagination. Simply think it and it shall appear. Either you conjure it with your mind, ability, or by reciting an obscure mystical writing it can happen. The gods can make such monstrosities or a power hungry person.

That is sadly not the main reason for me writing this to you. I had another dilemma that I am facing. Recently I have been using non-lethal measures to avoid killing people. I figured I could spare some lives and set them on a correct course or perhaps find out information for motives on these people. Sadly it has not turned out how I thought it would. Though I did not really have a plan on how it was to turn out. I just know that I did not feel right in killing people all the time. I was hoping the path behind me would not be one full of corpses like it has been for some of my fellow group members. I wonder if their dreams are full of the cries of those who died. I cannot honestly believe everyone that we have killed was truly evil. Perhaps a few misguided. Like the druid in the forest. We did not kill him but I imagine we would have without thought because he was pursuing the orb and I guess we thought he was going to do evil with it. What if we were wrong? We had possibly prevented some other good person from doing their duty and took it upon ourselves endangering thousands of others. Innocent people in Neverwinter and Waterdeep. Those people who would have lived a lot longer killed because of actions taken by our group. I question if that makes me evil in some way. I could go on through the list further but I planned on trying to change things a bit. I am also considering opening a Wizard school in Calimport. Just a small tutorship perhaps 10 students also to make some random magic items that will help out normal people. I remember when I was younger I was more idealistic and though I could give everyone a continual flamed coin and they would never be without light. I pursued ruby dust for months to get it done. Back then it was a big deal to me now its such a simple spell. I still seek to spread magic around but I see the consequences of my actions. The flaming coin was a good thing. However I need to choose a different item than a coin. Perhaps a torch. Perhaps I will use medallions of Azuth for this task. Still I get sidetracked even when I am writing.

The other night like a few nights ago I turned a person to glass. Like last time the person was shattered by Gwen. Though this time I do not really feel sorry for the person. We were attacked in the middle of the night and this person cast a spell that was many years of study a head of me. I do not know who he cast it on but I have a good guess on who his target was. Either way the spell failed and I turned him to glass. After the battle I was healed and I informed the group that though I did not wish to kill this person I knew when he came back to normal he would present a difficult challenge to us. I knew if I allowed him to return to normal he would attack us. Though there was a small chance he would realize attacking us would be futile he would simply disappear or teleport to somewhere else. Either way making him a prisoner or getting any information from him would have been difficult. I was honestly scared of this wizard. Either way the question was settled as Gwen shattered the glass statue. It was later that day that I presented my problem to Dirk. He has been sort of the leader in the group. He is a chosen of his god from what I can tell and generally appears to know that is best. I asked him about my dilemma. About my turning people to glass and they end up getting killed. I asked him what I should do about not wanting to kill people but oh I don’t know. Either way the answer I got from him was to use different methods. I don’t think that I have presented my query to him properly or perhaps he will not understand as my ways are through arcane methods and not like his sword. I plan on spending a moment with Sirrah about this. My fear of taking an innocent life often outweighs my fear of safety. Though if I falter or fail in stopping someone during combat group members or others could get hurt. It is a troubling problem. I cannot go around killing everyone mindlessly. I could start turning people to stone instead of glass but that would require more effort to turn them back to normal. Also the glass I can simply end with an act of will or allow the time to run out. Plus it allows me and the group to remove some magical items so we don’t have to worry they will put up a fight when they return to normal. Is killing someone in glass shape the same as killing a helpless person. I think so. If I start to think otherwise I wonder if that is the first step to the path of evil.

Speaking of evil. We had a group meeting with Lia. The whole group knows the god she worships. The whole group knows a bit more about her. I will not go into detail about the meeting. Either way it ended with her teleporting away. Gwen asked her to leave so she left. It was somehow unnerving. There have been quite a few moments with her in the past few days that have been unnerving. She walked around Calimport brazenly wearing her symbol of Shar. I told her during the meeting I would protect her because she was my friend but I did not wish to attack a good person who is seeking to kill a evil person. This puts me in a different dilemma again. I like Lia. She is an accomplished Wizard. She is an intelligent person and one of the few in the group I can relate to. I have a few fond memories of time spent with her. I know she is evil but still it does not mean they cannot be friendly or that they cannot be likable. So she has committed a few evil deeds should I kill her because of past mistakes? Should I attack someone on sight because they worship a different god? Should I stand by idly and watch someone of a good deity attack someone who I have traveled with and shared meals, conversation, spells, and battles with? Should I allow myself to turn a blind eye to the fact that she could be committing evil deeds while we attempt to do good? Though those questions will not be answered now because she has left the group. A small weight has lifted from my shoulders. I still told her she was always invited to my villa. I use it so little plus it would be nice to see her once in a while. Perhaps catch up on things that have changed. Hopefully one of the things that will change is her view on things. How does one become evil? How do you continue along the path without remorse? Such thinking is alien to me. I imagine I cannot hope to ever understand her reasons and I figure she probably could not understand mine. I do also hope that if the group meets up with her again even in passing that we all treat her with some respect. I know while she is gone occasionally she will enter my thoughts for several reasons. One she has a few powerful spells that I gave her and because she was a beautiful elven woman. Only time will tell and somehow I doubt even the gods know what we will face when we get to those ruins. Hopefully a key to where the orb is or locating it so we can destroy it.

2004-09-27T03:23:00.000-07:00

Elient 22nd PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My blood, my equal, my brother….
In my life I have made many mistakes. Most of them are little ones that add up over time and become large mistakes. During the past few days I have been struck with the feeble mind spell. I know your probably thinking so what else is new but I was. I endured several days of not being able to think correctly. Idle time and thoughts wasted pondering the simple things in life like mud and food. Out of my group only one person was truly nice to me. She fed me and tried to keep me out of trouble. The others did not deal well with me. Sirrah the half-orc I can understand and Dirk being the muscle bounded brute he is would just knock me out. Also being the absentminded group that we are they forgot about me on top of a carriage. I almost died up there in the freezing cold. In the end it was Tage who helped me. She fed me and treated me with tenderness I am not used to. I don’t know if they could understand the difficulty and frustration I was having not being able to coherently voice my thoughts. When I was finally healed and the effect lifted I being angry at all of them insulted the person who was nice to me. I did not mean too insult Tage and am sad now as I reflect upon it. There is nothing I can do to change the moment but it allowed me to see myself and how mean and callous I have become over the years. The years spent in a temple studying and worshiping neglected to teach me about manners and how to behave in some social situations. Last night we were being rewarded for bringing a blessed child of Tyr to the temple of Tyr. During this I was disgusted with myself over the means I took to achieve the return of the child. I left and went to my room to study and retire early. I imagine the clerics here were probably insulted to a degree for my actions. I don’t know if they would ever understand even if I spent the lifetime of an elf trying to explain my disgust with myself. That night I had used a Dominate person spell to dominate the will of a man. He was getting away with the child so I stopped him. I did not know where the child was so I choose the dominate over my glass strike spell. I don’t know if he really knew what was happening to him at the time but I forced him to stop and be shackled. I claimed an item that he had as my own and now I sit and look at it and question my actions. In the past I have been willing to kill in self-defense. I have been willing to look the other way when others killed and saved my rear. I have been willing to run away and then jump in glee over a rival’s death. In the past I have strayed and I wonder how much evil has filled my heart. Tonight was the last straw. I will force myself to change somehow. I will force myself to be kind and gentle. I will force myself to be patient with others. I will force myself to apologize even when I know I am 100% correct. I will start it by tomorrow when I see Tage to tell her I am sorry for my actions. Also that I do appreciate her efforts to make my life comfortable when I was unable to think for myself. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I plan on going to the temple and spending time there worshiping and then visiting a old Jeweler. Also preparations will be made for our journey into a desert. There was an ancient temple uncovered by the storms on midsummer.. Wait a minute. I wonder if the orb resurfacing was for saw. The year is of the Lightning storms and the orb causes such storms. Why did I not see it before. I remember taking a small class about the naming of the years. That will require more thought. The past few days have given me a lot to think about. Though somehow I feel as if time is running out. I hope there is enough for me to fit in a life of repentance and sorry’s to those I have hurt.
Your brother Sean

2004-08-30T04:36:00.000-07:00

Eleasis 28th PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374
My brother Marcus
Who should judge? The actions of a person through their life should balance on a scale and when they die the scale will tell the end result. How are such actions judged though? If I was to give coin to a starving boy and he goes off to use that and kills people does my saving his life reflect me? If I spare someone’s life in combat to take them to prison or have them redeem themselves and they kill an innocent is it my fault for not ending their life then and there? If I was to spare someone and they help hundreds because they became a changed person should that also reflect on me? I dislike killing people. There have been a rare time when I have been forced to use magic to deal out death and those times weigh on my conscience. I have mastered a powerful art and death comes easily for those who anger me. I don’t think the group realizes yet the extent of my power. I shall have to keep it in check while I can. We recently helped out a family by rescuing them from slavery in some cave. In this we encountered creatures who were evil. In this I threw death in a wide spread and killed quite a few. We saved the people but I ponder at what price. During the rescue I attempted to free some men from their chains but the key was trapped. I lifted the key and sent them to their doom. Am I responsible for their death because I set off the trap? Is the one who created the trap guilty? Is the one who requested the trap and put the men there guilty? Do all three of us share the guilt? I try to do good things but somehow people get hurt. I advised placement of a magical artifact at a tower where my order prays and studies. This item that we took great lengths to turn off was taken. I could have forced a decision to place it elsewhere or to secure it further. I could have even during my vacation stayed there and helped with the defense. Instead I went to my villa and relaxed. I have no doubt that if I was there I would have not have been able to change anything. I could have tried through. My pride and faith led me to believe that the tower was the safest place. I wonder if it would have been secure even in Elminster’s tower. So the orb was taken. I feel a bit responsible that the attack on Neverwinter was partially my fault. We could have placed the orb somewhere void of life and it would have gotten taken but not as many would have died.
How to know if your judgment is correct? The other day while walking Sirrah came alongside me to talk. Aside from the surprise of her talking to me she asked a very serious question. It was about law and she was apparently pondering pursuing the path of a Justicar. She was questioning actions an how does one know if one is correct. What action is the right choice. Why is it alright to kill sometimes but not other times. I have been pondering this myself and the desire to not kill has reflected my spell choices in my research and past castings. I have began to prepare more lethal spells and one that turns people into glass is one of them. I find it is a nice balance. It makes them a glass statue so they are no longer fighting and allows us to remove magical items or at least put them in a position where they can cause no harm. It also lasts a long time so we have time to deal with other things. When the spell ends they are back to normal if the statue is still intact. One of the times I have used it to success the statue was destroyed by Gwen as she was apparently still angry at the person who held a blade to her neck. As it shattered I thought perhaps I was wrong in my choice of spells. I have used it to success against lizard folk along with some illusionary fireballs to defend us. I struck first with my magic against the lizard folk. Though I know I did the correct thing as they are evil and were ambushing perhaps I should have given them time to explain. I struck first and killed one with a lightning bolt. Should I have waited? What separates me from someone else who strikes first and kills someone? I was not really defending myself as I could have flown away. I could have used one of my many other spells to just disable him and then discuss it later but I used a more powerful spell to eliminate him. Who is to judge. I prefer not to. If I had a choice I would rather someone else with more wisdom to judge instead. While I was talking to Sirrah about that she used an experience with a bounty hunter. This guy tracked down the girl who’s family we helped rescue. He attempted to kill her but we stopped it and after some difficulty and such turned him into the local authorities. He is now in prison being held in chains. Sirrah was questioning that because she has been held in chains before and knows the experience. The guy did not kill the girl he attempted it I believe she thinks it to be a bit harsh for such. I explained her experience with being held captive helps her understand the punishment. It is difficult for me to explain I understand laws are needed and I try to follow as I told her though laws aren’t always just. I feel if she were to choose the path of a Justicar it will force her to choose between the law and the group. Another sample of justice would be the situation the group is in with a certain man named Jesse. This guy was originally a bandit assaulting a carriage for money and other valuables. We stopped it and killed most of his comrades and brought him along. The group was slightly content to leave him with us as we headed to a town. Most of the time he was not held in bonds. He attempted to rob someone and it seems we may let him go because he helped us track down a lizard man. I figure it is the people in the carriage who should decide such fate not us and if I am asked I will let whoever know of that. I do not feel comfortable around Jesse. The thought that he would kill for money does not set well with me. How does one know if ones actions are just? I wish I could help Sirrah in her quest. I wish I could give her an answer or at least some words that would help but I lack the words. My mind does not follow a straight path when I consider the subject. Though my mind also follows another path when I ponder why she asked me. Why did she not ask Dirk who obviously has the blessings of his goddess? I think in the past 6 months I have had maybe a hundred words with Sirrah. Now I will easily surpass that if we continue discussion of what is just. Who should judge and what will matter the most in the end. Judging that moment in combat and ending the persons life or letting them live and have a life in prison of suffering. Quickly killing them or giving them a chance to escape or reform to possibly either kill or help other innocents. I hope in battle I do not suffer a moment of indecision and let someone get hurt.
Until next time choose wisely.

2004-07-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Eleasis 23rd PM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

A vaction over and lots of prep paying off. I paid some craftsmen to make a staff out of some mithral Dirk gave me. I just wanted a staff but in the end splurged and threw in some of my dust. Enough to live a comfortable lifestyle for a year into this staff. I waited a long time for it to be finished. Now I am reconsidering my expendature. Perhaps I should have waited until I was ready to craft my own staff and imbue it with magical properties. Perhaps I should have better choosen the craftsman I was going to use. Word that Lia killed Spike is bittersweet. I know Spike is a killer. I imagine future encounters with him would not result in a friendly parting. Though the idea that Lia is growing in power that much quickly is also by itself frightening. Spike was an accomplished assassin. Now the group has gathered still missing a few people. Lia has not rejoined up with the group yet and I am slightly happy she is not back yet. This gives me a bit more time to ponder my relationship with her. Though she is a wizard and I feel a sort of comradre with her.. her views and such I do not like. I ponder if a split in the group may arise. Should I consider and choose my side now or should I get others to join with me. We are the hero's of Waterdeep it may seem our greatest foe is ourselves.

2004-06-23T03:19:00.000-07:00

Unknown AM The year of lightning Storms 1374
I am dead. Or I was dead. It is difficult to say such a thing. I know I died. I do not remember what happened after that moment when the javelin pieced my body. A moment of fog after I woke up in a temple with my friends. I remember points in the combat where I questioned what I should do. I scoured through my mind and scrolls pondering what could help. Tage asked me to save my spells for the correct moment and I pondered what spells could I possibly have that would make a difference. I remember casting a cantrip to check and see if a spell was still activate and another spell going off. Moments where I was not fully concentrating or paying attention. Simple errors that hurt everyone around me. More people were hurt due to my lack of offensive spells. I had wasted my time with spells to enhance my spell casting ability when I could have prepared something else. I remember watching a hallway where some priestess disappeared behind some stone. I stayed back and watched not because I knew they would come back out. I stayed behind because I knew I could do little out on the field. I came out when I realized people were getting hurt badly. I tried to make a stand and I failed. We won and are now honored by the Lords of Waterdeep. Still their honoring feels like they are setting us up for something. I feel like a piece in a game where I cannot see my foes nor do I know what strategy my commander is using. Will I be a willing piece of the game? I don’t think so. I shall have to take better care in being prepared. I will not be useless next time. I often feel that I do not pull my weight and am just someone that comes along for the ride. That I shall have to change.

So the Lords of Waterdeep had watched the battle. I carefully reviewed it to find out if my secret was revealed. I have no clue what spells Lia cast on me to charge up my spellfire but they did the trick. I shall concentrate more on my studies of this ability to ensure I am not caught unprepared in the future.

2004-05-07T03:15:00.001-07:00

Kythorn 29th AM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

Crawling on rocks and fighting to hold a bridge. To hold there against some powerful knights and their deadly horses only to lose to a few mages. Now I regret not pursuing counterspelling training. I should have put more thought into it. After we lost the bridge we fell back. Actually a few others fell back and they came to grab me. I had fallen in combat and do not remember much else. Now we sit here outside of the tunnel planning a combat were it would be quite difficult. I am almost running out of spells and I know if you were here you would have something encouraging to say. At least you would have a few spells ready to help. Oh what I would give at this moment for a simple stoneshape spell. Wish me luck as I will use my crossbow to try and do as much as I can.

2004-05-07T03:15:00.000-07:00

Kythorn 29th AM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

Wow what a morning. Dirk has been raised from the dead. There was a temple in the town and they were able to achieve this feat. We also were able to bring Ayanami back also. I never knew she was a human before. I always knew her as a centaur. I ponder such acts of magic and power that clerics do and it helps reinforce my decision to follow Azuth. Though I have already pondered what to do in the event of my death I have not pondered if coming back is something I am worthy of. I ponder the heroes and other people that die each day and think that if they were ranked and I was on that list I would be near the bottom for I am not that heroic of a person. So we prepare to head off into the underground with a detect scrye spell running. I have not prepared much for combat. I thought it would be a day before any decision was made. Now everything is happening so quickly it is surprising. I wonder if the few moments spent in the afterlife has changed Dirk a little. So brother please keep a light on for me as while I head into the underground I do not know if I will find my way out.

2004-05-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

Kythorn 29th AM
The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

The month came and went quickly. It ended even more quickly when I got word that my friend Dirk had fallen in battle. Apparently a few members of the group went out and I was left behind. I doubt I could have changed things much but still it was alarming to hear about my friend falling in battle. I now head to Waterdeep possibly for a funeral. I wonder how Gwen will take it? I wonder how the group will take it? Dirk has been a major factor in what direction the group goes. Will this be it? I do not know and will write more when I find out. Otherwise wish me luck as I am now going to be teleported there. I never did like conjuration.

2004-05-07T01:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Marcus
Kythorn 24th The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

Do you remember when we were young you always claimed you would go to Evermeet? You claimed you would go there and study with the best of all magic users and rub shoulders with them. A place where talent and ability would rank the social structure? I remember that day. I remember laughing at you with a cruel intent then telling you they would never allow a simpleton like you there. I remember telling you so many hurtful things back then when we were younger. I did it always out of fear because I knew your ability was greater than mine was. The past is the past and even if Azuth allowed me to go back and change it I doubt that I could find the courage to do so. I have been in the wizard school in Waterdeep. I can attest that this area social status is defined by talent and ability. Another factor is keyed in though. Race. I never thought race would play such an important part. Though I have mostly been around other humans during my life and until I met up with this group I had very little contact with the other races. I have encountered some elves with the same attitude that I had only a few months ago. To have a closed minded view of the world and feel safe inside the restrictions and confines in this school would have been a path I could have fallen into. Feeling alone as my only companion here is Lia I have thrown myself into finding spells. I now have gathered a huge amount of spells and spent most of my money for it. I sit here looking at my new books and ponder the delights in them with childish glee. I would give it all up if I thought it would provide me a chance at fixing the past. No wait sorry I am lying to myself. I would not give it all up. We choose our paths and mine though it hurt a few people I think was the best path. Growing up together and staying near each other we would remain in the others shadow. The flame of magic between us as we fight to draw from it though still remaining in each others shadow. I ponder what things you have done and I see quite a few people here at the school that you could easily best. I attempted a mage duel against this teacher here. Used a spell to turn her into glass and it did not work. When I tried it again she had instead countered the spell. I should have noticed the previous spell she cast was quickened. No matter, I had defeated another with that spell and ponder if I should consider studying counter-spelling. I don’t really encounter a lot of casters with this group but I can see it happening in the future. All in all the past few weeks at the school has been productive. My options were to stay at my villa or to be here. I did not truly realize that staying here would mean that I had to stay here for the entire month. I rather wish that I could have came and gone as I pleased but have been able to accept that by just digging for spells. You know though personal growth does not happen very well in such a confined area. I can’t wait till the group gets back together. Perhaps we will travel back down to Calimport. I wonder what the land north is like. I hear it gets really cold. No matter where we go it is not the destination that matters it is how we get there. Until the next time we meet brother..

2004-04-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Marcus
Quite a few days have passed. We got to the ship and then quickly teleported to Evermeet. I never really thought I would get to visit the kingdom of elves. The only elves I had known in the past beyond this group was a few elven sorcerers that taught at the school. After traveling with the group and being around Tage so much I figured I could tolerate anyone. Such a deep contrast when you look at Tage and then look at Gwendolyn. Such a huge difference. Though when comparing humans to look at me then Dirk it is also a deep chasm. Now that Zypher is gone what will be left to hold the group together. I enjoy traveling with these guys but sometimes it seems tense between some of the members. No real idea what will befall us in Evermeet? I am hoping for the best. I do not have much for spells left but I will be prepared to do what I can if it does sour. Evermeet is a beautiful area. What more can be expected from an island of elves. Perhaps I will study an illusion spell to show it to you someday. Just no idea when that day will be.

2004-02-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

Dear Marcus Mirtul 26th The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

So the scouting idea didn’t work out. I forgot to send the eyes a head of myself. I hit a dead magic area and quickly fell into the water. After struggling to swim and got up to the surface I was able to use the ion stone to teleport back to the ship. Then the whole ship went through the dead magic zone as the storm threw us into it. The lack of magic apparently scared Lia a lot. Along with me. The idea of being in a area with no magic was frightening. Some of my stones that I keep on hand in the cabin went back to normal size. After seeking to repair the door and such we saw a ship in the distance. Knowing the ship name and the cargo it carried we decided it was best to avoid it. So we continued on our path seeking to avoid the ship. So continuing on with our quest to the area. So we encountered a Kraken which was killed in the following battle. After some time we encountered a tower in the sea. A mighty iron golem with the a trident. After removing it from our path we entered a tower. We met a man that looked like Zypher. Asking for help. It was quite weird as he quickly died. A creature without eyes attacked us. It appeared it was more after getting Zypher and getting away. During that battle I tried using my highest spell to turn it into glass and to watch it shrug it away then I tried spellfire. Neither seemed to work. I looked into the face of this creature and saw death. I accepted it and kept trying. I saw Tage come down with wounds from this creature. The fearless wild elf seemed even to not phase this creature. It stabbed me with a dagger and I remember calmly walking down the steps and quaffing a potion then pulling it out. Then it came down and it appeared to want its dagger. So I quickly put it on the teleport trigger and ran away. Hoping to find help somewhere. No longer able to effect this creature I hid like a coward. Shame then the anger at myself for not being more help. After it appeared the creature had left the area we rested a bit. Found this pen and ink then pulled out my own paper. There is writing on the paper but somehow I feel I should not read the private thoughts of the owner. I let it sit there keeping my attention elsewhere. I pondered my own mortality and let Dirk know my wishes about the villa in Calimport. I also let Sariah know about my spell books. I am hoping that her being a worshiper of some god that she would respect my wishes. I do not know if we will get off this tower. I expect so. After watching Lia fail at two scroll attempts I ponder if she did it on purpose or not. I should not let such doubts enter my mind. Yet I wonder why she did not have a read magic prepared. Being so used to study I always keep one prepared. I wasted a scroll to reduce everyone in size so we could fit within the teleport requirements. I cannot understand why anyone would use conjuration. I fear that someday she will try such a spell and get us in trouble. Also with her use of necromancy I wonder if I should have given her that book. I saw the power of one of the spells used in action and I do not doubt my decision in ignoring necromancy. I do wonder though if the consequences of my actions in being so generous that I would need to pay for it. I have so many questions yet none to turn to. I know I need to consult with someone but I question who I can trust. I wish you were here. Even if you were angry at me I imagine your intelligence and logic would win through and be able to give me some advice.

2004-02-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Marcus Mirtul 26th The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

So we plan on passing by something known as Stillwater. I have agreed to be a scout and sent out to find out what is going on in the area. To search and find out why a large area of still water exists. Such a wonderful thing to study. I know I will be in danger. I have planned for a majority of problems. I know that if death comes it will be swift and I will be too enraptured in magic to notice it. The things I have planned for is that it is a dead magic area. I have a spell called Prying eyes that will warn me of that before hand. I was going to enlarge myself and fly out there. With some feather fall’s, water breathings, and a few lightning bolts. I even had Lia stick a teleport inside my ion stone. I prepared so much for it yet still my hand shakes as I write this. I worry that if I do die the group will come after and get themselves killed in the process. I have prepared spells for the scouting and some other spells to help me in this manner. Using the self altering spell to give my wings so I could fly for the day while I scouted. I have my effects in order. I wished for my spell books to go to the church of Azuth then give my villa to Dirk and Gwen. Perhaps with that they could raise a family there for I know I will never have the time for a family. I also prepared a message to be read if the group finds my personal wishes. Hopefully if death does come it is swift and painless. To sit here at the desk knowing it may be my last day. I know my deeds in life have been questionable. I would like to think that my deeds with this group has been for the cause of good. Azuth will judge me for my deeds and may my pursuit of magic and knowledge grant me a place in his realm.

2004-02-08T06:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Marcus Greengrass The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

So I finally finished my gift purchasing. For Cade I got him a nice little outfit. For Waylend I also got him a outfit. I could not think of anything else for them. For Cora the box of Torts was given. For Gwen I got her a outfit that allowed her to change her clothing at will. I figured this would be the most useful for her as she appears to enjoy lacking clothing. I also figured this would please Dirk. For Dirk I ended up buying him a dress so he could give it to Gwen. Apparently him and Gwen are getting married. Which I think should have happened a long time ago. Also in my communication with him I bought a ring for him to give to her. I am actually glad he asked me. There was a jeweler up in Neverwinter that I wanted to visit. He taught me that magic cannot duplicate hard work and talent. I went into his shop seeking gems to destroy as spell components. I came across a nice diamond ring that I was planning on buying to use the dust for a restoral spell. It was his anger that taught me the value of it. The ring was not crafted to be wasted in a spell. It was crafted to make someone happy. To show the commitment and love that the ring was given with. There are other diamonds to use for a spell. Some of them should not be used as thus. They should be cherished for a lifetime. So using one of my altering spells I entered his shop disguised. I did this so he would have his dream fulfilled as I doubt he would have sold me the ring if he thought I was going to destroy it. So I bought the ring to give to Dirk for his wedding. I also learned a lesson. It is surprising what I learned in a few days in Neverwinter. Such a wonderful town. I think if I purchase another home I will have to do it there. The temple is quite amazing and the people are so friendly. I spent some time there working with gems and helping out. I felt like I was back in the brotherhood again. It was really nice. I often pondered just staying there. There is a pressing need though to find this Cypher guy though. So back I came to a island in the middle of the ocean with natives that speak a weird tongue. This island were the wild Tage decided she was going to attack a shark. Over the course of a few weeks I have grown in power. My spell repertoire has grown considerably. While on leave I had bought a few scrolls to scribe into my book. I also spent a fortune on a traveling spell book and case for it. A simple locking spell book that is resistant to just about everything. With enough pages there to carry my spells I will use often and a few pages open for research and study. I carried my things to the ship and found out the ladies have the room with the desk. So I know it will be tough to get time at the desk to write and study. I could have it moved but perhaps one of the girls will use it too. I would rather it stay in hopes that someone will use it besides me. I feel grateful that my request was not questioned and they went though with it. So often I am afraid I will be a burden to the group. I also feel the sudden urge to show off my power. I think I let the time away build up my ego a bit much. I need to constantly remind myself that it was my ego and pride that separated me from my family. I also decided that the spell book I will give Lia will include that spell. I think it was not a good decision but I feel that she needs to make the choice herself. If I was wrong in giving her the spell then I feel I will have to be the one to pull her down. Should I suffer the same punishment that she does if she abuses the spell? I gave her the tools but she has to make the decision. I cannot make the decision for her. I hope that the spells I gave her and my friendship will get her to speak to me more often. So many things I wish to discuss. I also decided I will spend some time getting to know each person in the group. The passing of Raine and others make me feel that I should get to know them. They are worth knowing and they are worth saving. I hope I can make a difference in the final battle. With this group of such wonderful people I wonder who will save me when the time comes. If not then I will accept Azuth’s embrace and study with him until the end of time. Until the end of time brother.
-Sean

2004-02-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Marcus Tarsakh 9th The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

So the group decided they were going to travel on the high sea’s. They are heading to some island place to find a evil elf. This elf killed someone dear to Dirk and brought great pain to the group. They had planned on leaving quickly but in the need for some time to research I asked to be left behind. I plan on rejoining them. I found this wonderful spell that will teleport me to a gem when I need to go there. I feel sad that the desk that was installed on the ship will not be put to use for a month. Somehow I feel that none in the group find studying that useful. I extended my offer of staying behind to the beautiful elven mage Lia. There is something different with that lady. I know where her loyalties lie and I feel that gives me the advantage so I can easily predict what her actions will be. I had thought she would stay behind with me for study. We had bonded quite well in never winter. It was weird for a moment I thought that she could be someone I could care for. Sadly though I must never let her loyalties escape my thoughts. I still feel guilty that I spoke about it in front of some of the group before I spoke to her. I have not actually spoken to her about it either. I really should but I fear that violence will come of it. I like the idea of having a wizard to share spells with and the feeling comradeship as the other arcane caster is this wild elf sorcerer. Tage is almost unapproachable. Such a wild creature strong in both physical strength and magic. Also the other day a most curious thing happened. Before the group left on the boat I noticed yet again that I make the staff glow when I am near it. I remember identifying that staff for Rain before Lia got it. I know it uses the spell detect good. I always thought of myself as a good person but I did not light it up before. Now that I do I ponder how much of my view has changed since I encountered that staff. How much have I changed from when I left Calimport with the group that day. Now my journey has completed a circle yet I know I have grown. While the group is gone I have been spending some coin. I acquired a large amount of sapphire dust and have been using it to fund a few projects. I was originally planning on making a staff out of dust but after considering the amount of dust needed I decided I could not do such a thing. So I decided that I would arrive on the boat at green grass and to cheer up the crew I would bring some gifts. I have been pondering a gift for Lia. I was going to give her a spell book. In hopes to show her that friendship is there if she wants it. I have been pondering a spell I was going to copy into the book. It is beyond my power and will be for some time. I know she does not have access to it either. This spell the powerful Wish spell I now have a copy of it. When I hold my hand over the page I feel the power of it. I know what it can do and what it cannot do. I cannot change the past with it. I could perhaps alter the future. Such responsibility with the spell to. I was going to copy it into the spell book for her but keep wondering if that is a good idea. Would she weird the spell responsibly or would she abuse it for her own desires and her god. Such decisions. For the half ling Cora I commissioned a fellow wizard to make a magical box that creates Torts. She adores those things and as annoying as she is the fact that she maintains such cheerful attitude I find useful. It is hard to dwell over the dark past when she is around. Either a story about a pink dragon or something about a being locked inside a box. I wish I could maintain a outlook on life such at that. For Gwen I have not decided. I was pondering getting her a necklace but do not think Dirk would approve. Though she is beautiful Gwen is not someone I would like to be with. I fear though Dirk would take my gift of friendship the wrong way. Of all the people in the group he is the one I wish to keep as a friend the most. He is like a big strong brother that will protect you and help you along. If your too tired to walk he will carry you or help however he can. He carries the burden of love on his back though and sometimes it shows. Back in never winter I remember him leaving in anger. I wonder if he could survive without Gwen. This battle that will come up may take quite a toll and the only one who will gain is Kelemvor for many deaths will be the victors spoils. Then there is Sariah. I have no clue what exactly happened in her past but it seems to haunt her more than mine. The past few months have shown me very little about her. Aside from the fact that she likes to drink and often succumbs to her savage ancestry. The scalp she wears on her belt a solemn reminder that even though she is a women her roar can kill. I was pondering a knife for her. Something to help her in the future if she takes another scalp. I do not agree with the act but with my dealings with sorcerers I learned I should be tolerant of others views. I also decided to purchase a Villa in Calimport. I do adore the city. It is also nice to know in the back of my mind that I have a base of operations somewhere that I can go to study. I can also store some important books there. Also with my little spell book filled up and my other one a bit ragged I will invest in a new traveling spell book. Am pondering taking a trip to Neverwinter to visit the temple of Azuth there. To spend some time helping out in the church. I feel that I have done so little for it in the past few months. I imagine people would understand that I have been traveling and Azuth does not have temples everywhere. I try to mutter a prayer now and then but often find that my faith has been a bit lacking. I was shook up a bit in the past over the split in the brotherhood. I once even thought of converting and following Mystra. Ha. I laugh at myself now for I know she is tempting but I do not know how I could deal with the chaos. Though with Azuth there is order being on the road so much makes it hard to deal with. I wonder if I should try and commune with him and find out his views of such things. I doubt he would be happy for me to ask such a petty question. I will have to try and follow him more devoutly. I have been trying to spread around the use of magic. I have a spell that now lets me copy my spell’s with ease. I was going to make a few small spell books of transmutation spells and give them away to aspiring young mages. Perhaps even create a workbook of transmutation for the occasional sorcerer I encounter. I would have no clue where to start in that manner though. I often wish you were here. Even if you were to argue with me constantly your view would be heard. I have none to consult with here that I trust. I could ask Dirk but the magical arts he would not understand. I could ask Gwen but I don’t think she would understand either. I doubt I could hold Tage’s attention for more than a minute before the idea of pursuing a tiger or ferocious beast would distract her. Sariah I have no clue how to even approach her. Waylend I think would be easy to approach but yet still he lacks understanding of the Art. Lia I could ask but knowing her beliefs would keep me questioning anything she said. Even the mighty Cora with her worldly knowledge lacks the basics of arcane matters. Perhaps when I get on the ship I will have to spend some time with each person and get to know them better. I wonder if they ponder the same things about me. I sometimes feel that I am not a part of the group yet other times I feel I am. I think I spent too much time second guessing myself. I should just focus on the Art and Azuth. Things will fall into place otherwise. Until next time brother take care.
-Sean

2004-02-08T05:50:00.001-08:00

2004-02-08T05:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Marcus Tarsakh 5th The year of Lightning Storms, 1374

Today the group stopped in Calimport. It has been a while since I have been here. Feels like it was a few months ago. I think it was midwinter that I was originally sent out this way. I wonder what would have happened to me sometimes if my caravan never got attacked. Such a powerful worm that beast was. I remember still with sadness laughing at the death of the sorcerer that day. How young and innocent I was. Though it was not that long ago I feel I have aged a great deal since that day. Then I met this group of people who were interesting enough to keep me interested in them. When I finally got to my destination of Calimport I completely forgot about my duties. I should have reported to the temple quickly and let them know of the destruction of the caravan. I should have imminently went out with some brothers and recovered what we could. I should have done a lot of things but this group was so different. They had a powerful fighter with them who was huge. The elven ladies with them I had not seen anything more beautiful. Even the half-orc with her pride is attractive in a weird way. Between the whips, the swords, and the spears in this group I felt safe. To travel with them and see more of the world was a blessing. For the first time in a long time I was no longer worried about my past catching up with me. No longer was I thinking of meeting you at a weird hour and being forced to duel. It was my time I guess to leave the safety of the church. So I traveled with them. We ended up going to some weird place though a teleport after this one big guy attacked a drow wizard. I followed along because it was so different. The in this forest we went to we came across a town and there I met a fellow wizard who I felt would be welcomed in the Loom weaver group. I also had to deal with a sorcereress with power beyond what I have seen. It was those days that I got to know a member of the group and thought of him as a friend. It was those days I tried to no longer be in the background and to help where I could. Then the long travel across lands so far distant from home I don’t even know how to describe the measure of distance. The traveling town where I was to dual with a sorcerer and my friend killing that person. I remember the sigh of relief that I did not have to die that day. It was then that I realized my attitude did not help any. I needed to be more tolerant. I could treat a dark skinned elf the same as the half-orc but when it came to the sorcerer’s I felt anger build up. I realized that my flaw was in my arrogance and pride. The teachings of Azuth though is not that sorcerers are bad. The years I spent with the brotherhood had shown me one side of it. Azuth is so much more. Yet somehow I missed that. I was blind to the complete teachings. Prefering to hide behind my scowl and anger. Seeking a reason to strike back at those who I had deemed less. Now that I look back at it I realize I should be thankful to Azuth he protected me from harm. One wrong word to some powerful sorcerer could have ended in my death. I am also thankful that I did not sway from his teachings. I can imagine what evil gods would have loved to tempt me. The destruction that would have resulted but did not because Azuth did protect me. The teachings of his are wonderful. I often wish I could go back and sit with you. I know I was wrong. I would ask for forgiveness but know I will never achieve that. Perhaps on your day of Life-Gift I will send you a book of Azuth. The complete one. Not the Loom weavers propaganda. I see how I fell into that. I know though that man’s pride will keep them from seeing the error of their ways. I know I cannot sway them to what I know is now true. I know I will probably never fit in with my friends back at the brotherhood. Somehow I don’t think I would ever want to fit back in with them. I have found a new group that is interesting enough and like the cut diamond has so many different facets that filter light and is so beautiful from each angle. Know I think of you. Though you will never know it I wish things can be different.
-Sean

2004-02-05T18:44:00.000-08:00

Note this is not a real person's account. This is letters a Fictional character writes in a book to his brother. His brother more and likly hates him and would never respond to such. He does this though as a comfort. It is for a fantasy DnD game that I play on the weekends.